In 1904 William Borden, heir to the Borden Dairy Estate, graduated from a Chicago high school a millionaire. For graduation, his parents gave him a trip around the world. Traveling through Asia, the Middle East, and Europe gave Borden a burden for the world’s hurting people. Writing home, he said, “I’m going to give my life to prepare for the mission field.” When he made this decision, he wrote in the back of his Bible two words: No Reserves.
Turning down high paying job offers after graduation from Yale University, he entered two more words in his Bible: No Retreats. Completing studies at Princeton Seminary, Borden sailed for China to work with Muslims, stopping first at Egypt for some preparation. While there he was stricken with cerebral meningitis and died within a month.
A waste, you say! Not in God’s plan. In his Bible underneath the words No Reserves and No Retreats, he had written the words No Regrets.
Wow, here is a man who didn’t live a long life, but he lived a life with no regrets. Wouldn’t you like to live a life with no regrets? I think most of us would! How do you do it? Today’s text answers that exact question!
As Paul and his companions left Troas, they sailed south along the Aegean coast until they finally reached Miletus. This would be his last stop in the province of Asia before making the long journey across the sea toward Jerusalem. He knew this would be the last time he would ever see the Christians of Asia face to face, so he called for the Elders of the Ephesian church, which wasn’t far, to meet him in Miletus.
Here, Paul gives his farewell address to these church leaders before he says his last goodbye. He reflects on his ministry during his three years in Ephesus and then addresses the uncertainties of the future. Among Paul’s ministry in Ephesus there were many triumphs as well as tragedies, but he didn’t regret any of it.
In this farewell address to the Ephesian elders, Paul reveals thirteen characteristics of a life and leadership with no regrets. If we want to someday sit down, reflect back over our lives, and not have any regrets, we need to start living these characteristics today! Let’s take a look at them!
1.) Humility (19)
Before Paul was converted he was a man of tremendous pride and hostility, but after he saw the light and became a follower of Jesus, the Holy Spirit filled him with an incredible measure of humility. He came to the realization that his life was not about himself; his goal was not to be happy or prosperous, but to please God alone. As Paul shared his life with the people of Ephesus, they saw his humility in the way he served the Lord.
Just like Paul, if we want to look back on our lives with no regrets, we need to realize right now that the world doesn’t revolve around us. We put our dreams, desires, and goals in God’s hands, not ours. Humble people consider others better than themselves. How much humility do we exhibit in our lives?
2.) Passion (19)
In addition to humility, Paul mentions that he served the Lord with tears. This is a reference to his passion. He loved the Ephesians and wanted them to follow Jesus so much that it moved him to tears. Even when the Jews plotted to take his life, his passion for God and people compelled him to stay in Ephesus and continue his ministry. If he wasn’t passionate about what he was doing, he would have given up and drifted to something or somewhere else.
So many people go through life and are not passionate about anything; they have a “ho-hum-whatever” attitude toward everything. They don’t feel on a deeper level and then look back on their lives and say, “I never did anything!” What are you passionate about? How are you using your passions to minister to others?
3.) Courage (20)
In verse 20 Paul alludes to courage as a characteristic of a life and ministry with no regrets. Paul showed his courage in Ephesus by not hesitating to preach anything that would be helpful. It would have been easier to shy away from certain subjects in his preaching, but he knew that wouldn’t be beneficial in the long run, so he preached boldly and courageously. Also, he showed courage by his willingness to preach publicly as well as privately. He knew he could be persecuted for preaching in either context, but his courage carried him through.
You should never refrain from doing something that you believe God wants you to do because you are too scared—you will regret it the rest of your life. Fear paralyzes us and leaves us wondering about what might have been.
One of the biggest regrets of my life was not helping a young woman when I should have. She was being bullied by her boyfriend in a park where I was playing Frisbee with some friends. I confronted the guy but didn’t follow through. I knew I should have done something but I was too afraid to get involved. I regret it to this day. That lack of courage left me physically sick to my stomach for three weeks afterwards, and I made a vow that I would never make that mistake again.
When the time comes, will we have the courage to stand up and do the right thing? Will we speak the truth, even when it’s not popular? Will we get involved even when it’s inconvenient? Or will we live with regrets?
4.) Gospel-Focused (21)
Of the many things that can be said about Paul’s life and ministry, there is one thing of which we can be sure: he was centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have his preaching in Acts and his letters to his churches to prove it. In verse 21 he says that he preached the same gospel to both Jews and Greeks. He didn’t try to distort or change the gospel, but he declared plainly that repentance to God and faith in Jesus Christ are necessary to receive salvation from sin and hell. Repentance means to turn away from sin to God. Everything Paul said and did was centered on the gospel.
How about us? Are our lives centered around the gospel? Have we truly repented from our sins and turned to Jesus Christ in faith? Do we wake up every morning thankful that our sins are forgiven? Are we sharing this message with the people in our lives?
5.) Faithfulness (22-24)
Another characteristic of a life with no regrets is faithfulness. We see Paul’s faithfulness to God and his ministry despite difficult circumstances in verses 22-24. He tells the Ephesian elders that he was compelled by the Holy Spirit to go to Jerusalem in spite of not knowing what would happen to him when he got there. He had a sense that he would eventually be put in prison and suffer greatly, but that was not going to stop him from finishing the race and completing the task that God had given him—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace. He would be faithful to the end, even if it cost him his life.
Will we be faithful to God to the end? Are we being faithful now? Paul knew that there are far more regrets for unfaithfulness in life than there are for faithfulness in death!
6.) Realism (25)
Paul was always realistic about his life and ministry. He never strayed to the extremes of sugar-coated optimism or wallowed in the perilous pit of pessimism. In verse 25 he is completely honest and realistic with the Ephesian elders when he says that they will never see each other again. This is characteristic of Paul’s overall life and ministry and is seen explicitly in this verse!
Are we realistic people? Being overly optimistic sets us up for disappointment, heartbreak, and ultimately regret. Being overly pessimistic prohibits us from trying new things or pushing ourselves to greater heights, and therefore ultimately leads to regret. Realism helps us to be balanced and live with no regrets. This reminds me of the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Optimism is too hot; pessimism is too cold; but realism is just right!
7.) Innocence (26-27)
In verse 26 Paul declares his innocence from the blood of all men. This is not a reference to moral innocence, although Paul did exhibit a high degree of moral character, but there he means innocence from any responsibility should the Ephesian church fail. He had told them everything they needed to know to walk well with God, for he declared to them the entire counsel of God. What Paul says here is that he is clean with respect to any guilt regarding people’s lives. (Bock 629) If they didn’t follow God, it wasn’t his fault. He did everything he could to help them!
How about us? Are we innocent in this regard? Are we helping others around us know and do everything to walk well with God?
8.) Shepherd (28-31)
Verse 28 marks a change in the mood of Paul’s farewell address. He leaves the indicative mood of reflecting on his own ministry and now moves to the imperative mood of challenging the Ephesian elders to be the leaders that God has called them to be. He begins by challenging them to be good shepherds. In verse 28 he gives them three commands. First, watch over his your life. Just as a literal shepherd cannot take care of his sheep unless he takes care of himself—eats, sleeps, keeps himself safe, etc., there is no way they can take care of their church unless they take care of themselves physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
The second command is to keep watch over all the flock. Just as a shepherd provides for and protects his sheep, Paul commands these elders to provide for the spiritual needs and spiritually protect the church. The third command is simply to “be shepherds of the church of God”. Paul reminds them that it is God’s church, not theirs; and that Jesus bought it with his own precious blood.
Then in verses 29-31 he warns the elders that savage wolves will come in and attack the flock. These wolves (people who seek to destroy the church) will come from outside and inside the church. They will distort the truth and manipulate people away from the faith. It is the shepherd’s job to watch out for these wolves and protect the sheep.
Church leaders, how carefully are we watching over our lives? Are we making sure that the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs of our own lives and families are being met? Are we providing for and protecting the church that God has entrusted to us? If we want to look back on our lives with no regrets, let us be good shepherds.
Even if you are not a church leader, we have all been called to be shepherds at some level. If you are married, you are called to shepherd your spouse. If you are a parent, you are called to shepherd your children. Most of us are pretty good at providing for their physical needs, but are we providing for their spiritual and emotional needs? Are we protecting them from spiritual harm? If we want to live with no regrets, let’s be good shepherds!
9.) Word-Centered (32)
As Paul concludes his farewell address, he commits the Ephesian elders to God and specifically to the “word of his grace.” God’s word has the power and grace to build them up in the faith and sanctify their souls. Paul knew that for their own benefit and the benefit of the whole church, they needed to be committed to God’s Word.
Are our lives centered on God’s Word? How well do we know the content of the Bible? How often do we really read it and think about it? Are we obedient to it? You will never regret the time you spend reading the Bible!
10.) Hard Work (33-35a)
Throughout Paul’s ministry he was never jealous of anyone else’s money or possessions. He was not lazy nor did he take advantage of anyone financially. He worked hard as a missionary: preaching, teaching, counseling, writing, etc. He also labored with his hands making tents and other leather products to provide his own physical needs and he contributed to the needs of his companions. His hard work was an example to everyone that benefited from his ministry. If you read Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians, you will discover that Paul had no tolerance for laziness.
Are we people who work hard to provide our needs and the needs of others, or are we the type of people who just expect other people to take care of us? Proverbs 10:26 says, “As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is a sluggard to those who send him.” No one can stand a lazy person! Laziness always leads to regret, but hard work brings satisfaction!
11.) Generosity (35b)
Paul’s hard work allowed him to be generous towards others. He reminds the elders of Jesus’ famous words: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Paul was always generous and wanted the Ephesians to live lives of generosity, for this is a characteristic of a life with no regrets!
Isn’t this the way it is with generosity? I can think of numerous times when I felt compelled to give, but for one reason or another I didn’t, ant then I regretted it afterwards. On the other hand, I can’t think of a single time that I have acted in generosity to someone else and regretted it later. It hurt to give at the time, but I didn’t regret it in the long run. How generous are we?
12.) Prayer (36)
In verse 36 Luke tells us that when Paul finished his farewell address, he knelt down and prayed with the elders. This shows Paul’s commitment to solemn prayer. He completely trusted in the Lord and prayed that the Lord would empower their ministry and bless their church. Praying for and with other believers was an important and regular part of Paul’s ministry.
Again, I have never regretted any time I have spent praying for or with other fellow believers, but I can think of numerous times prayer wasn’t a priority for me and I regretted it later. Church leaders, are we praying for the flock God has entrusted to us? Flock, are you praying for your pastor and your church leaders? No one ever regrets a life of prayer!
13. Love (37-38)
Finally, just before Paul boards the ship and heads off to sea, the elders express their great love for Paul with tears, hugs, and kisses. This may sound strange to us in America today, but kisses were culturally appropriate as many men in the ancient world expressed affection with a kiss. There are many cultures even today where it is perfectly common for men to kiss each other. This does not go over well in our culture, so gentlemen, when you greet me at the door after church this morning, a handshake will be just fine.
In all seriousness, the final characteristic of a life and leadership with no regrets is love. Love God and people with all your heart! Love you family! Love your friends! Love your co-workers! Love your enemies! Love those people who are hard to love! Your life and leadership will be better for it, and you won’t have any regrets!
Yes, it is a long list! It is impossible to live up to all of these things! But the more we practice them and make them a large part of your daily lives, when our lives on earth come to an end, like William Borden and the apostle Paul, to a large degree we will be able to say, “No regrets!”