The family is an interesting institution. Humorist Robert Orbin once said, “Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s immortal words: ‘We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills.’ It sounds exactly like our family vacation.” Someone else once said, “To prove his love for her, he swam the deepest river, crossed the widest desert and climbed the highest mountain. She divorced him. He was never home.”
At the annual family-reunion picnic, a young bride led her husband over to an old woman busily crocheting in a rocker. “Granny,” she said, touching the old woman’s hand affectionately, “this is my new husband.” The woman eyed him critically for a long moment, then asked abruptly, “Do you desire children?” Startled by her bluntness, the young man blushed and stammered, “Well-uh-yes, I do very much.” “Well,” she said, looking scornfully at the large tribe gathered around the six picnic tables, “try to control it!”
We chuckle about all of the problems families’ experience, and yet we instinctively believe what author Samuel Johnson wrote, “To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labor ends.” And we affirm the words of the great German poet Goethe when he said, “He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.” The family is not only the fundamental building block of all society, but it the place we find the deepest human source of joy and fulfillment.
What are some of the happiest days of your life? I bet most of them were spent with family! For some of us, it was the day we walked down the aisle and joined our spouse in holy matrimony with family all around. For others, it was when we held our children in our arms just after they were born. Still, others may remember a particular occasion or some special day, but there is a good chance that family was a part of it.
Just as family is often at the center of the happiest days of our lives, sometimes family is the cause of some of our most painful and miserable days. When a parent or family member abuses a child, they bear the ugly emotional scares in their soul for the rest of their lives. When a teenager rebels against his or her parents, the agony of disrespect haunts us for many years. When a husband or wife abandons their spouse for someone else, it leaves a gaping wound in their heart.
King Solomon knew that that family has the potential to give us the highest highs and the lowest lows of life. He experienced the pain of family conflict firsthand when his half-brother Absalom tried to murder their father David and when his other half-brother Adonijah rebelled against David and set himself up as king. You can read those stories in II Samuel and I Kings. Solomon also experienced the exhilaration of family when he met, fell in love with, courted, and married his first wife. You can read that story in the Song of Solomon.
Yes, Solomon knew that family can be both beautiful and difficult. That is why he recorded so many proverbs about family life. He knew that people needed great wisdom to navigate the land mines that destroy families and experience the indescribable joy that comes with a peaceful home. He shows us how to establish a godly heritage!
If you want to have the best family life possible, you need God’s wisdom. And God’s wisdom about family is found here in the Book of Proverbs. Let’s take a look at some!
Husbands & Wives
Before I explain these individual proverbs, I need to clarify something. You will notice that each of these wisdom sayings addresses the role of wives and sons. Before you assume that Solomon was some male chauvinist pig who only tells wives how they need to act and doesn’t care about daughters, you should know that the Book of Proverbs was primarily written for the young men of Israel. Therefore, he focuses on teaching the young men how to be a good son and what to look for when pursuing a wife.
If the book had been written for the young women of Israel, it certainly would have focused on the role of daughters and what to look for in a husband. Even though these proverbs are addressed to young men, they certainly apply to everyone, whether male or female. I am not in favor of gender neutrality in Bible translations, but I wholeheartedly believe that there proverbs are meant to be applied with gender reciprocity. So, I will apply them to genders!
Proverbs 12:4- I think this Proverb identifies the most important and overarching quality necessary for a good spouse. “Noble character” encompasses a lot of territory; virtues such as holiness, honesty, hard work, patience, peacefulness, kindness, compassion, and self-control. When a person marries someone with noble character, their spouse will bring them honor and dignity. Just as a crown around the head is a precious ornament that displays splendor, a spouse with noble character is something to be proud of.
On the other hand, a disgraceful spouse (that is someone who is lacking in moral strength and common sense) brings pain, disgrace, shame, and embarrassment. This type of spouse weakens the soul just as bone cancer weakens the body. He or she will wear you down to the point where you don’t want to do anything.
I have a good friend who was in a marriage just like this. His first wife who was the love of his life unexpectedly left him for a younger man and he was devastated. He isn’t the type of person who likes to be alone, so a couple of years trying to find someone else, he wound up settling for woman who he knew she had deplorable character and notorious reputation. She had already been married twice (the first time to his former best friend) and had taken all of their money.
In spite of my begging him not to, he married her. For the first six months or so she was on her best behavior, but then her true colors began to shine. She quit working, made extravagant purchases, and ran up credit card debt behind his back. One time not long after he had just bought her new living room furniture, she turned around and sold it on e-bay for a quarter of what it was worth. Then she went to Rent-a-Center and rented new furniture. Can you imagine getting home from work and finding out your spouse did something like this? Well, he got to the point where he would seldom go out in public with her because he was afraid of how she might embarrass him. I truly believe that the stress of his marriage was a major contributor to his untimely death! A disgraceful wife literally brought decay to his bones!
If you are not married yet, I beg you to make a commitment to yourself right now that you will only marry someone with noble character! If your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t honest with you now, what makes you think that they will be once you are married? So many people get married for the wrong reasons. They say things like, “Well, she doesn’t work very hard, but at least she’s hot!” or “Well, he’s not very compassionate, but at least he has money!”
If you are already married, the nobler your character becomes, the better your relationship will be. Let Jesus Christ mold you into the person he wants you to be and you will bestow dignity and honor upon your spouse. Wives, be your husband’s crown! Husband’s be your wife’s tiara!
Proverbs 14:1- This proverb is a simple comparison between a wise and foolish wife. A wise wife builds her household, which means that she nurtures her family and causes it to flourish. A foolish woman’s actions, whether it be contentiousness, laziness, indiscretion, or immorality, destroy her household.
Men, be warned! Stay far away from a foolish woman! Women, be warned! Stay away from a foolish man! If you want to have a family that flourishes, it has to be built on a foundation of wisdom!
Proverbs 18:22- Even wise young men and women have difficulty discovering a good spouse. They may choose a guy or girl for the wrong reasons, and then discover that their choice was hasty. It is only with guidance from the Lord that a man or woman can find the right mate.
So, if you are looking for the right person to spend the rest of your life with, make sure that you are being led by God. It is easy to be blinded by beauty and persuaded by passion! Likewise, if you are already married and have a happy home, recognize that it is a gift from the Lord.
Proverbs 19:13-14- Just as a foolish child brings disaster upon his or her parents, a quarrelsome spouse is nagging, annoying, and irritating like a dripping faucet. Just as a constant dripping can cause damage to a house, a quarrelsome spouse can cause exasperation and permanent damage to family relationships. But nothing makes a person’s life happier than a prudent spouse, one who is wise, capable, and knows how to deal with people lovingly. Although a person may inherit property or wealth from parents, a prudent spouse is a gift from the Lord.
Consider yourself for a second! Are you a quarrelsome or prudent person? Are you a leaky faucet or a secure spout? And when you are considering a spouse, make sure you know the difference!
Proverbs 21:19- This proverb is similar to the preceding one in that it warns against entering into a relationship with a difficult person. The meaning here is quite simple: You are better off alone than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered person.
As you can see from this set of proverbs, there is a lot to think about before you get married and start building a family. You can see how when a marriage is built on a poor and foolish foundation, that it can cause many years of frustration, pain, and misery, but if the marriage is build on a wise and godly foundation, it can bring us more joy than we can imagine. Likewise, if you are already married and your relationship is rocky, there is still hope! When you apply God’s wisdom to your character and relationship, he begins to iron out the wrinkles and pave the way for a smoother and more joyful future.
Parents & Children
Proverbs 1:8-9- Solomon, speaking in behalf of God, gives an imperative command to sons and daughters to obey to their parents teaching and instruction. The translated here as “listen” is the Hebrew word “shema” which literally means to obey. Attentiveness to parental instruction reaps a reward. Just as a garland for the head or a gold chain around the neck enhances a person’s physical attractiveness and symbolizes success, a young person who obeys his or her parents’ commands honor and respect and has a greater chance of success.
How well have you followed your parent’s instruction? When we are young, we tend to think that our parents don’t know what they are talking about, but when we get older and have experienced more of life, we realize that they knew more than we thought they did. If you want people to honor and respect you, you have to be honorable and respectable; and we gain that from listening to our parents. I don’t care how old you are, it is never too late to obey your parents instruction. Will you do it and reap the rewards?
Proverbs 11:29- Anyone who brings trouble upon his or her family is a fool and will lose their inheritance. He or she may have expected to have wealth or servants, but they will be penniless and forced into servitude to survive.
When I read this proverb, I can help but think about one of my best childhood friends. We lived in a small village and he only lived eleven house up the road from me. We spent a lot of time together and got into a lot of trouble together, but he never grew out of it. When he was young, he seldom listen to his parents and often disrespected them. When he was in junior high, he would break into his dad’s mechanic shop and steal beer. When he was sixteen, he got his girlfriend pregnant. When was eighteen, he got arrested for assaulting a police officer. When he was nineteen, he beat his dad with a baseball bat so bad that the paramedics had to rush him to the ICU. He has spent much of his twenties behind bars.
A few years ago he showed up to my grandmother’s funeral drunk out of his mind. It was the first time I had seen him in years, and all he could do was laugh because he didn’t have a job or a place to live. His parents didn’t want him. The rest of his family didn’t want anything to do with him. And he hardly had any friends left. Indeed, his inheritance was spent!
Proverbs 20:20- This proverb is the counterpart to the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Ex. 20:12) The Mosaic Law provided for the death penalty when a son was rebellious because the whole community was at risk and this proverb proposes a similar fate for a child who curses his or her parents. The “lamp” in this verse refers to physical life. A person who curses his or her father or mother exhibits such a destructive attitude that it could lead to an untimely death.
The friend that I just finished telling you about had a cousin who lived just six houses down the road from me. He was always in trouble when he was young, and even though his parents warned him about the dangers of drug use, he decided that he wasn’t going to listen to anyone. He died of a heroin overdose at the age of seventeen.
In his book A Spiritual Clinic, author J. Oswald Sanders recorded the classic observations about two Revolutionary War era families from New England, and the differing impacts each has had down through the generations. One family was the Max Juke family, and the other was the family of Jonathan Edwards, the well-known theologian and scholar who played such a prominent role in the early days of our nation.
Max Juke was a godless man who married a woman of like character. Among the known descendants, over 1,200 were studied: Three hundred and ten became vagrants; 440 lived a debauched lifestyle; 130 were sent to prison for an average of 13 years each, 7 of them for murder. There were over 100 alcoholics; 60 thieves; 190 prostitutes. Of the 20 who learned a trade, 10 of them learned the trade in prison. It cost the state about $1,500,000, and they made no contribution to society.
In about the same era Jonathan Edwards, a man of God, married a woman of like character. From this marriage came 300 clergymen, missionaries, and theological professors; over 100 college professors; over 100 attorneys, 30 of them judges; 60 physicians; over 60 authors; and 14 university presidents. There were many giants in American industry. Three became United States congressmen, and one became the vice president of the United States.
The impact of a godly husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers is enormous and can last for many generations. Those who follow the principles of Proverbs will be blessed by God with a godly heritage that will bring great reward to them, great good to the world, and great glory to God. We will all leave a family heritage, will it be like Max Juke or Jonathan Edwards?
The family is an interesting institution. Humorist Robert Orbin once said, “Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s immortal words: ‘We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills.’ It sounds exactly like our family vacation.” Someone else once said, “To prove his love for her, he swam the deepest river, crossed the widest desert and climbed the highest mountain. She divorced him. He was never home.”
At the annual family-reunion picnic, a young bride led her husband over to an old woman busily crocheting in a rocker. “Granny,” she said, touching the old woman’s hand affectionately, “this is my new husband.” The woman eyed him critically for a long moment, then asked abruptly, “Do you desire children?” Startled by her bluntness, the young man blushed and stammered, “Well-uh-yes, I do very much.” “Well,” she said, looking scornfully at the large tribe gathered around the six picnic tables, “try to control it!”
We chuckle about all of the problems families’ experience, and yet we instinctively believe what author Samuel Johnson wrote, “To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labor ends.” And we affirm the words of the great German poet Goethe when he said, “He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.” The family is not only the fundamental building block of all society, but it the place we find the deepest human source of joy and fulfillment.
What are some of the happiest days of your life? I bet most of them were spent with family! For some of us, it was the day we walked down the aisle and joined our spouse in holy matrimony with family all around. For others, it was when we held our children in our arms just after they were born. Still, others may remember a particular occasion or some special day, but there is a good chance that family was a part of it.
Just as family is often at the center of the happiest days of our lives, sometimes family is the cause of some of our most painful and miserable days. When a parent or family member abuses a child, they bear the ugly emotional scares in their soul for the rest of their lives. When a teenager rebels against his or her parents, the agony of disrespect haunts us for many years. When a husband or wife abandons their spouse for someone else, it leaves a gaping wound in their heart.
King Solomon knew that that family has the potential to give us the highest highs and the lowest lows of life. He experienced the pain of family conflict firsthand when his half-brother Absalom tried to murder their father David and when his other half-brother Adonijah rebelled against David and set himself up as king. You can read those stories in II Samuel and I Kings. Solomon also experienced the exhilaration of family when he met, fell in love with, courted, and married his first wife. You can read that story in the Song of Solomon.
Yes, Solomon knew that family can be both beautiful and difficult. That is why he recorded so many proverbs about family life. He knew that people needed great wisdom to navigate the land mines that destroy families and experience the indescribable joy that comes with a peaceful home. He shows us how to establish a godly heritage!
If you want to have the best family life possible, you need God’s wisdom. And God’s wisdom about family is found here in the Book of Proverbs. Let’s take a look at some!
Husbands & Wives
Before I explain these individual proverbs, I need to clarify something. You will notice that each of these wisdom sayings addresses the role of wives and sons. Before you assume that Solomon was some male chauvinist pig who only tells wives how they need to act and doesn’t care about daughters, you should know that the Book of Proverbs was primarily written for the young men of Israel. Therefore, he focuses on teaching the young men how to be a good son and what to look for when pursuing a wife.
If the book had been written for the young women of Israel, it certainly would have focused on the role of daughters and what to look for in a husband. Even though these proverbs are addressed to young men, they certainly apply to everyone, whether male or female. I am not in favor of gender neutrality in Bible translations, but I wholeheartedly believe that there proverbs are meant to be applied with gender reciprocity. So, I will apply them to genders!
Proverbs 12:4– I think this Proverb identifies the most important and overarching quality necessary for a good spouse. “Noble character” encompasses a lot of territory; virtues such as holiness, honesty, hard work, patience, peacefulness, kindness, compassion, and self-control. When a person marries someone with noble character, their spouse will bring them honor and dignity. Just as a crown around the head is a precious ornament that displays splendor, a spouse with noble character is something to be proud of.
On the other hand, a disgraceful spouse (that is someone who is lacking in moral strength and common sense) brings pain, disgrace, shame, and embarrassment. This type of spouse weakens the soul just as bone cancer weakens the body. He or she will wear you down to the point where you don’t want to do anything.
I have a good friend who was in a marriage just like this. His first wife who was the love of his life unexpectedly left him for a younger man and he was devastated. He isn’t the type of person who likes to be alone, so a couple of years trying to find someone else, he wound up settling for woman who he knew she had deplorable character and notorious reputation. She had already been married twice (the first time to his former best friend) and had taken all of their money.
In spite of my begging him not to, he married her. For the first six months or so she was on her best behavior, but then her true colors began to shine. She quit working, made extravagant purchases, and ran up credit card debt behind his back. One time not long after he had just bought her new living room furniture, she turned around and sold it on e-bay for a quarter of what it was worth. Then she went to Rent-a-Center and rented new furniture. Can you imagine getting home from work and finding out your spouse did something like this? Well, he got to the point where he would seldom go out in public with her because he was afraid of how she might embarrass him. I truly believe that the stress of his marriage was a major contributor to his untimely death! A disgraceful wife literally brought decay to his bones!
If you are not married yet, I beg you to make a commitment to yourself right now that you will only marry someone with noble character! If your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t honest with you now, what makes you think that they will be once you are married? So many people get married for the wrong reasons. They say things like, “Well, she doesn’t work very hard, but at least she’s hot!” or “Well, he’s not very compassionate, but at least he has money!”
If you are already married, the nobler your character becomes, the better your relationship will be. Let Jesus Christ mold you into the person he wants you to be and you will bestow dignity and honor upon your spouse. Wives, be your husband’s crown! Husband’s be your wife’s tiara!
Proverbs 14:1– This proverb is a simple comparison between a wise and foolish wife. A wise wife builds her household, which means that she nurtures her family and causes it to flourish. A foolish woman’s actions, whether it be contentiousness, laziness, indiscretion, or immorality, destroy her household.
Men, be warned! Stay far away from a foolish woman! Women, be warned! Stay away from a foolish man! If you want to have a family that flourishes, it has to be built on a foundation of wisdom!
Proverbs 18:22– Even wise young men and women have difficulty discovering a good spouse. They may choose a guy or girl for the wrong reasons, and then discover that their choice was hasty. It is only with guidance from the Lord that a man or woman can find the right mate.
So, if you are looking for the right person to spend the rest of your life with, make sure that you are being led by God. It is easy to be blinded by beauty and persuaded by passion! Likewise, if you are already married and have a happy home, recognize that it is a gift from the Lord.
Proverbs 19:13-14– Just as a foolish child brings disaster upon his or her parents, a quarrelsome spouse is nagging, annoying, and irritating like a dripping faucet. Just as a constant dripping can cause damage to a house, a quarrelsome spouse can cause exasperation and permanent damage to family relationships. But nothing makes a person’s life happier than a prudent spouse, one who is wise, capable, and knows how to deal with people lovingly. Although a person may inherit property or wealth from parents, a prudent spouse is a gift from the Lord.
Consider yourself for a second! Are you a quarrelsome or prudent person? Are you a leaky faucet or a secure spout? And when you are considering a spouse, make sure you know the difference!
Proverbs 21:19– This proverb is similar to the preceding one in that it warns against entering into a relationship with a difficult person. The meaning here is quite simple: You are better off alone than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered person.
As you can see from this set of proverbs, there is a lot to think about before you get married and start building a family. You can see how when a marriage is built on a poor and foolish foundation, that it can cause many years of frustration, pain, and misery, but if the marriage is build on a wise and godly foundation, it can bring us more joy than we can imagine. Likewise, if you are already married and your relationship is rocky, there is still hope! When you apply God’s wisdom to your character and relationship, he begins to iron out the wrinkles and pave the way for a smoother and more joyful future.
Parents & Children
Proverbs 1:8-9– Solomon, speaking in behalf of God, gives an imperative command to sons and daughters to obey to their parents teaching and instruction. The translated here as “listen” is the Hebrew word “shema” which literally means to obey. Attentiveness to parental instruction reaps a reward. Just as a garland for the head or a gold chain around the neck enhances a person’s physical attractiveness and symbolizes success, a young person who obeys his or her parents’ commands honor and respect and has a greater chance of success.
How well have you followed your parent’s instruction? When we are young, we tend to think that our parents don’t know what they are talking about, but when we get older and have experienced more of life, we realize that they knew more than we thought they did. If you want people to honor and respect you, you have to be honorable and respectable; and we gain that from listening to our parents. I don’t care how old you are, it is never too late to obey your parents instruction. Will you do it and reap the rewards?
Proverbs 11:29– Anyone who brings trouble upon his or her family is a fool and will lose their inheritance. He or she may have expected to have wealth or servants, but they will be penniless and forced into servitude to survive.
When I read this proverb, I can help but think about one of my best childhood friends. We lived in a small village and he only lived eleven house up the road from me. We spent a lot of time together and got into a lot of trouble together, but he never grew out of it. When he was young, he seldom listen to his parents and often disrespected them. When he was in junior high, he would break into his dad’s mechanic shop and steal beer. When he was sixteen, he got his girlfriend pregnant. When was eighteen, he got arrested for assaulting a police officer. When he was nineteen, he beat his dad with a baseball bat so bad that the paramedics had to rush him to the ICU. He has spent much of his twenties behind bars.
A few years ago he showed up to my grandmother’s funeral drunk out of his mind. It was the first time I had seen him in years, and all he could do was laugh because he didn’t have a job or a place to live. His parents didn’t want him. The rest of his family didn’t want anything to do with him. And he hardly had any friends left. Indeed, his inheritance was spent!
Proverbs 20:20– This proverb is the counterpart to the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Ex. 20:12) The Mosaic Law provided for the death penalty when a son was rebellious because the whole community was at risk and this proverb proposes a similar fate for a child who curses his or her parents. The “lamp” in this verse refers to physical life. A person who curses his or her father or mother exhibits such a destructive attitude that it could lead to an untimely death.
The friend that I just finished telling you about had a cousin who lived just six houses down the road from me. He was always in trouble when he was young, and even though his parents warned him about the dangers of drug use, he decided that he wasn’t going to listen to anyone. He died of a heroin overdose at the age of seventeen.
Conclusion
In his book A Spiritual Clinic, author J. Oswald Sanders recorded the classic observations about two Revolutionary War era families from New England, and the differing impacts each has had down through the generations. One family was the Max Juke family, and the other was the family of Jonathan Edwards, the well-known theologian and scholar who played such a prominent role in the early days of our nation.
Max Juke was a godless man who married a woman of like character. Among the known descendants, over 1,200 were studied: Three hundred and ten became vagrants; 440 lived a debauched lifestyle; 130 were sent to prison for an average of 13 years each, 7 of them for murder. There were over 100 alcoholics; 60 thieves; 190 prostitutes. Of the 20 who learned a trade, 10 of them learned the trade in prison. It cost the state about $1,500,000, and they made no contribution to society.
In about the same era Jonathan Edwards, a man of God, married a woman of like character. From this marriage came 300 clergymen, missionaries, and theological professors; over 100 college professors; over 100 attorneys, 30 of them judges; 60 physicians; over 60 authors; and 14 university presidents. There were many giants in American industry. Three became United States congressmen, and one became the vice president of the United States.
The impact of a godly husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers is enormous and can last for many generations. Those who follow the principles of Proverbs will be blessed by God with a godly heritage that will bring great reward to them, great good to the world, and great glory to God. We will all leave a family heritage, will it be like Max Juke or Jonathan Edwards?