Maintaining sexual purity is one of the premier challenges of life! It is such an important issue that Solomon deals with the topic 5 times within the first 9 chapters of Proverbs. Like many of the lectures in Proverbs, this section begins with a call for one’s attention. In the first two verses of the chapter he challenges us to listen up and pay close attention to his advice on the relationship between wisdom and sex. He presents two very different roads to take: one is a highway to hell and the other is a freeway to fulfillment!
As we examine this chapter, let me remind you that Solomon wrote Proverbs for the young men of Israel. That is why he addresses this advice to his son and warns against the advances of an adulterous woman. Even though this chapter was specifically written for young men, it certainly applies to both men and women, young and old! Let’s take a look at these two roads and see where they lead!
1.) Sex outside Marriage is a Highway to Hell (3-14)
Solomon moves without a pause into his warning against the whiles of sexual immorality. Although he pictures an adulterous woman leading a man astray, the warning certainly applies to both sexes. He begins with some graphic images about how immorality begins and ends. The adulterous’ lips drip with honey, the sweetest substance in the ancient world, and her words are smoother than olive oil, the smoothest item in an Israelite household. Her flattery is designed to inflate the young man’s ego and signal her availability, opening the way for him to turn his thoughts into action.
The encounter may seem sweet and smooth at first, but it ends in bitterness and sharpness. Gall was a poisonous herb with an intensely bitter taste that was very common in ancient Palestine. Sexual immorality is like a bitter poison. Likewise, an encounter with the adulterous will leave you feeling slashed by a double-edged sword.
Solomon hit the nail on the head! Sexual immorality often begins with sweet and smooth words, but it always ends in bitterness and pain. Has anyone ever made a pass at you with flattery words? Don’t fall for it! Beware of sweet and smooth words!
If you are a man, beware of the woman who stokes your need for significance. Be cautious when she talks about your fine-looking face, mammoth muscles, stunning sense of humor, prestigious positions, or astounding achievements! I guarantee that you are not nearly as handsome, strong, funny, or good as her exaggerations! Look beyond her masquerade and see her motives!
If you are a woman, beware of the man who strokes your desire for security. Be careful when he mentions the beauty of your eyes, the flow of your hair, or the brilliance of your mind! I guarantee that he is not thinking about your eyes, hair, or brains! Look beyond his pretense and see his real purpose! Sexual immorality always begins well, but it never ends well!
Proverbs often warns us to judge things by their outcome rather than their beginning. Accepting an invitation to illicit lust will lead a person to the grave. The Hebrew word translated as “grave” is “Sheol” which can also be translated as “the place of the dead” or “hell.” Thus, the heading: sex outside of marriage is a highway to hell. This is primarily a metaphor for spiritual death, but in some cases it actually has literal implications. There are numerous examples from the ancient and modern world where sexual immorality lead directly to physical death.
Just as sexual immorality leads to spiritual and physical death; verse 6 says it leads to crooked paths in life. How often does sexual immorality lead to moral confusion in other areas? Whether it is premarital or extramarital sex, how many lies have to be told to keep it covered up? Like the adulterous that cannot tell the difference between right and wrong, someone who sinks into sexual immorality becomes morally confused that they often try to justify their actions. They ignore God’s standards and pave their own path through life.
Solomon is right again! The costs of momentary pleasure in sexual immorality are far too high! God designed sex to be acted upon within the bonds of marriage. If you ever find yourself contemplating premarital or extramarital sex, get rid of those thoughts as fast as you can! Whatever you do, don’t go looking for lust; and if it finds you, run the other way. The cost is too high! It’s not worth it!
You country music fans may remember that Garth Brooks sang a song that illustrates how sexual immorality can lead to physical death. Do you know which one? It goes like this:
Papa drove a truck nearly all his life, You know it drove mama crazy being a trucker’s wife
The part she couldn’t handle was the being alone, I guess she needed more to hold than just a telephone
Papa called Mama each and every night, Just to ask her how she was and if us kids were alright
Mama would wait for that call to come in, When Daddy’d hang up she was gone again
Well it was bound to happen and one night it did, Papa came home and it was just us kids
He had a dozen roses and a bottle of wine, If he was lookin’ to surprise us he was doin’ fine
I heard him cry for Mama up and down the hall, Then I heard a bottle break against the bedroom wall
That old diesel engine made an eerie sound, When Papa fired it up and headed into town
Well the picture in the paper showed the scene real well, Papa’s rig was buried in the local motel
The desk clerk said he saw it all real clear, He never hit the brakes and he was shifting gears
Mama was a looker, Lord, how she shined, Papa was a good’n, But the jealous kind
Papa loved Mama, Mama loved men, Mama’s in the graveyard, Papa’s in the pen
In verses 7-8 Solomon begins a new section with a fresh appeal to listen carefully. Do not turn away from my words, but do turn away from the immoral woman, he urges. If you put yourself on the path of temptation by loitering at the door of her house, he warns that you will surely fall. It is better to break off contact completely.
After this fresh plea to heed his warning, he offers a compelling litany of losses that come with sexual immorality. In verse 9 he says that immorality will cost you your strength. All the effort exerted in continuing such a relationship and keeping it covered up saps the strength from your body and lessens your years. In verse 10 he mentions that immorality will cost you your wealth. Whether through blackmail, alimony, child support, or heavy spending on the lover, the cost of immorality is always high.
In verse 11 he points out that sexual immorality will cost you your health: whether it is emotional health from stress and worry or actual physical health from a sexually transmitted disease. In verses 12-13 he stresses the loss of peace of mind. Sexual immorality carries a lifetime of groans and regrets. And finally, in verse 14, he highlights the loss of your reputation. Oftentimes sexual immorality can lead to a loss of job, endorsements, and public trust, but it always brings great embarrassment to you and your whole family.
If you don’t believe God’s Word about the costs of sexual immorality, just ask someone who has done it. If you don’t believe immorality costs you strength, years, and peace of mind, just ask Bill Clinton. If you ever get a chance to see pictures of his face before the scandal and after the scandal, you will be shocked. He aged 10 years in 2 years. If you don’t believe immorality costs your wealth, just ask Elliot Spitzer. It cost him an extravagant amount of money to keep his affair going and to keep it hidden, and when it came out, it cost him his job. If you don’t think immorality costs your health, just ask Magic Johnson or anyone else who contracted HIV from illicit sexual relationships.
If you don’t think immorality costs your reputation, just ask Tiger Woods! He went from America’s golden boy to America’s gutter boy! Let us take heed of Solomon’s advice and steer clear of this highway to hell!
2.) Sex inside Marriage is a Freeway to Fulfillment (15-20)
After Solomon warns about the costs of sinful sexual behavior, he changes his strategy and moves to highlighting the beauty and blessings of proper sexual behavior. He is reaffirming that God designed sex for the bounds of the marriage covenant and advises that an active and engaging sex life is one of the best defenses against sexual immorality. It is surprising to some people, but the Bible actually employs erotic language to promote sexual pleasure, as long as it is in marriage.
In verse 15 he urges his son to drink running water from his own cistern and well. These highly erotic images obviously and appropriately refer to the female sexual organs. He is advising his son to find sexual fulfillment in his own wife rather than other women. Likewise, in verses 16-17, he appropriately refers to the male sexual organ as a spring or a fountain. Its contents should not be spread publically, but a man’s sexual vitality should be reserved for his wife in private. In verse 18 he pronounces a blessing on his son’s fountain that he might receive maximum pleasure and joy from the sexual relationship with his wife.
In verse 19 he further characterizes the wife of his youth in erotic terms. May her breasts satisfy you always! I’m just curious, what do you think the word “always” means here? Hmn, I’ll let you and your spouse figure that one out on your own!
In the Bible a woman’s breasts are always compared to deer because they are smooth, sleek, and gentle. Solomon wishes for his son to be intoxicated by his wife’s breasts and inebriated by her love. Lovemaking should leave one feel lightheaded. He summarizes his main point in verse 20. In light of all the delights of one’s wife, why should the son pursue sexual pleasure in the arms of another, especially considering all the dangers? (Longman 162)
3.) God is always watching us! (21-23)
Now that Solomon has warned us about the dangers and costs of having sex outside of marriage and has showed us the delights and blessings of sex within marriage, he saves his most compelling argument for last. No one should ever slide down the slippery slope of sexual sin because God is always watching. You may be able to fool your spouse and everyone else around you for a while, but you cannot fool God for a second. You may be able to cover it up from human eyes for a time, but God’s omniscient and omnipresent eyes see everything dirty thing you do.
God is watching, and therefore, the punishments of verses 23-24 are not a matter of chance, but certainty; the implication is that no matter what particular form the punishment might take, God will assure that it will happen. Sexual sin always comes back to bite. If we are not inebriated by the love of our spouse, we will be inebriated by our own stupidity, and it will result in death. Sex outside of marriage is a highway to hell, but sex within marriage is a freeway to fulfillment!
Speaking of highways and freeways, every time I drive through the southern United States, I find myself feeling annoyed by the constant barrage of billboards that clutter the natural beauty of the landscape along the Interstates. I guess I am becoming a true Vermonter! Nevertheless, I can’t help be amused by some of the signs.
Somewhere in Virginia, Tennessee, or Alabama, I saw a humongous billboard advertizing the largest adult book store in the state. It read: The Lion’s Den—Adult Book Store: Magazines, Videos, Toys, and Live Shows—Next Exit. I remember feeling surprised and thought to myself, “Wow, I thought I was in the Bible Belt!”
Just about the time I had lost faith in the south, I came across another huge billboard that read in big block letters: God is Watching You! Paid for by the Members of Some Baptist Church!
Yes, the message on the billboard is true! God is watching you! He is watching all of us! He is watching us all the time!
Let me conclude with a few simple admonitions: First, if you are not married, you should not be engaging in any sexual activity! Save yourself for marriage! It is worth it and you won’t regret it! Second, if you are married, please make sure that you are taking full advantage of the joys and pleasures of sex with your spouse! May you be satisfied always! Third, if you are married and are involved in some type of extramarital relationship, cut it off immediately. It really isn’t worth it!
And finally, if you are here this morning and you are living regrets from past sexual sins, confess them to God, make it right with the person you sinned against, and experience the forgiveness of Jesus Christ! Fornication and adultery are serious sin; they have high costs; but they are not unforgivable! Jesus died on the cross to offer us forgiveness and freedom from sexual immorality!
The Book of Proverbs clearly shows us the relationship between wisdom and sex. There is a highway to hell and a freeway to fulfillment! Which road are you on?