The term civility means “formal politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech.” It is a word rarely uttered in American society today; and unfortunately, it is even more rarely practiced. On one hand, we seem to be living in an era where people either err on the side of oversensitive political correctness where the fear of offending makes language so ambiguous that it becomes unintelligible. On the other hand, we certainly see many arrogant attitudes that assert, “My freedom of speech gives me the right to say whatever I want to whomever I want whenever I want…and if you don’t like it, too bad!”
Likewise, we are living in a time when the divided “us against them” mentality is pervasive in so many national discussions, ranging from religion and politics to sports and entertainment. Lamentably, it has become fashionable to denigrate and even demonize everyone with whom we disagree. This type of belligerent rhetoric has become normalized on news shows, newspaper headlines, and even Facebook posts. When adults on all levels actively engage in name calling, undermining, intimidation, and character assassination, is it any wonder that our schools are beleaguered by bullying? Have you ever wondered where children learn to torment other children?
Just yesterday morning, while I was attending my son’s football game in St. Albans, I saw a little African-American boy with tears running down his cheeks. As he approached his mother, I heard him say that some other boys called him the “N” word. Thankfully, that mom snapped into action and tried to track down the offenders. I don’t know if she was successful or not, but my heart broke as I thought about the verbal assault that ten-year-old boy endured—and I knew this wouldn’t be the last time he would face this.
As we continue to witness racial injustice, religious insults, and political slights in our uncivil society, let us look to God’s Word for some guidance this morning. The Christians in Rome were dealing with these same issues. In Romans 12:9-21, the Apostle Paul challenges believers to live for Christ by uttering a serious call for Christian civility!
As Paul continues his “practical” section of the Book of Romans where he focuses on how to live out the gospel of Jesus Christ in every day life, he now turns his attention toward the topic of civility. If you remember last week when we looked at Romans 12:1-8, Paul called the Christians in Rome to respond to God’s mercies by making a commitment to Christian living and Christian community. Now in verses 9-21, he goes one step further by calling the Romans and all believers to a commitment to Christian civility toward fellow Christians and non-Christians. Let’s take a closer look at Paul’s call to Christian civility!
A Serious Call to Christian Civility Toward Fellow Christians (9-13)
Throughout this whole passage, Paul employs short pithy rapid-fire commands. Although they are loosely connected to each other, they all relate back to the main theme of acting in a Christ-like manner by practicing Christian civility. Verses 9-16 addresses Christian civility toward other Christians. He begins with the main idea in verse 9, “Love must be genuine.” Paul must have known that Christians possible to be outwardly nice and yet lack genuine love and affection for others. True love is uncontaminated by hypocrisy!
This reminds me of a certain phrase that I’ve encountered in the American South. Have you ever heard the words “Bless your heart?” It is an outward expression of spiritual congeniality that masks internal contempt. When some people say, “bless your heart,” what they really mean is “I disagree with you”, “I want you to leave now”, or “I can’t stand you.”
Paul follows this appeal for genuine love with a command to abhor what is evil, hold fast to what is good, love one another with brotherly love and outdo each other in showing honor. This is the way Christians ought to relate to other Christians—with a love that is worthy of our familial relationship with Jesus! Paul knew that it was more difficult for Christians to love other Christians and practice civility when they are experiencing their own trials, so he goes on, in verses 11-12, to tie a Christian’s love for another Christian to their love for God—“Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
Our pain should never be an excuse to treat other people poorly! May we draw even closer to God when we experience trials, so he can help us love people through our pain!
Paul concludes his section on Christian civility toward other Christians with a challenge to “contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” (13) In this verse, Paul is saying that civility is more than polite speech and courteous actions; it includes a willingness to “put our money where our mouth is!”
True Christian civility requires a disposition of self-sacrifice where we are eager to share our resources, our possessions, our food, and our homes when our brothers and sisters in Christ who need them.
Before I ask you to renew your commitment to Christian civility today, let me ask you this: Do you know any fellow Christians who are hard to love? Do you have any fellow church members who just get under your skin? Do you ever try to avoid certain people when you come to church? This is not genuine love; and it’s not true Christian civility!
Will you renew your commitment to Christian civility by pledging your genuine love and sacrificial giving to your fellow Christians? If we can’t be civil toward each other, how can we ever be civil toward the world?
A Serious Call to Christian Civility Toward Non-Christians (14-21)
After Paul admonishes the believers in Rome to practice Christian civility to their fellow Christians, he turns his focus outside the church and issues a serious call to Christian civility to non-believers. In the Roman context, this primarily referred to opponents of Christianity who actively oppressed the church. This is why Paul begins in verse 14 with the powerful plea: “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.” Here, Paul picks up on Jesus’ own teaching from his Sermon on the Mount. When persecuted, the Christian is to respond with love rather than retaliation.
Likewise, Christians are called to reach out to non-believers by “rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep.” This is accompanied by a command to live in harmony with one another and a willingness to associate with the lowly.
Christian civility requires sympathy, empathy, and humility toward people who may not share our beliefs, values, or lifestyles. We should never think we are better than anyone just because we are Christians!
In verses 17-21, Paul zeros in on how Christians ought to respond to people who persecute them. He begins by cautioning Christians not to repay evil for evil. Not exacting revenge is an honorable response even in the eyes of the world. Verse 18 adds a realistic note encouraging Christians to be at peace with others whenever they can (if it is possible and so far as it depends upon them.) (Pate 251)
Verse 19 compels Christians to resist the urge to avenge themselves, but to leave all injustice and persecution to the wrath of God. For the Scriptures teach that vengeance is the Lord’s and he will repay all injustice on Judgement Day. Rather, Christians should love their enemies in tangible ways like feeding them and giving them drink, for by doing so “you will heap burning coals on his head.” The meaning of this phrase it debated, but the most common interpretation is that the loving actions will produce a sense of burning shame in the offender. Hence, Paul’s clincher statement in verse 21: “Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.”
I can remember the exact occasion when I first heard the term “heap burning coals on his head.” I was still in high school and was a brand-new Christian. I was walking down the street with my good friend who had led me to faith in Jesus Christ when I noticed his step-mother’s car coming up the hill toward us. He looked at me and said, “Watch this!” I didn’t know what to expect, so I kept my eye on the car. When she realized who was walking toward her, a dirty scowl appeared upon her face and she flipped us the bird. I lifted my hand to return the unsanctified gesture, when my friend ripped my hand down, conjured up the biggest smile you have ever seen, waved his hand happily in the air, and shouted, “Hi Judy!”
I knew that she was the wicked woman who kicked him out of his own house a week after he graduated high school. You can imagine my confusion when I asked, “What did you do that for?” He grinned and said, “I was heaping burning coals on her head!” He went on to teach me my very first Bible lesson on Romans 12:20!
It is our natural instinct to retaliate when someone persecutes us. It is often our first impulse to fight back when someone attacks us with their words, gestures, or fists! But Paul compels us to resist these reactions; he calls us to practice Christian civility!
Are you ever around non-believers who make fun of your Christian faith? Has anyone ever gone out of their way to offend your Christian sensibilities? Has anyone ever flat out persecuted you because of your commitment to Jesus Christ? If so, love your enemies and leave the injustice to God!
In 1991, Rabbi Michael Weisser was living in Lincoln, Nebraska, with his wife, Julie and three of their five children. He was the new cantor and spiritual leader of the South Street Temple, the oldest Jewish synagogue in Lincoln. One Sunday morning, a few days after they had moved into their new house, the phone rang.
The man on the other end of the line called Rabbi Weisser “Jew boy” and told him he would be sorry he had moved in. Two days later, a thick package of anti-Semitic pamphlets arrived in the mail, including an unsigned card that read, “The KKK is watching you, scum.”
The messages, it turned out, were from Larry Trapp, the Grand Dragon of the White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan in Nebraska, who kept loaded weapons, pro-Hitler material and his Klan robe in his cramped apartment. Then 42, Mr. Trapp was nearly blind and used a wheelchair to get around; a bout with diabetes left both of his legs had been amputated.
In a 1992 interview with Time magazine, Mr. Trapp said he had wanted to scare Rabbi Weisser into moving out of Lincoln. “As the state leader, the Grand Dragon, I did more than my share of work because I wanted to build up the state of Nebraska into a state as hateful as North Carolina and Florida,” he said. “I spent a lot of money and went out of my way to instill fear.”
Rabbi Weisser, who suspected the person threatening him was Mr. Trapp, got his telephone number and started leaving messages on the answering machine. “I would say things like: ‘Larry, there’s a lot of love out there. You’re not getting any of it. Don’t you want some?’ “And, ‘Larry, why do you love the Nazis so much? They’d have killed you first because you’re disabled.’ I did it once a week.”
One day, Mr. Trapp answered. Mrs. Weisser, the rabbi’s wife, had told him to say something nice if he ever got Mr. Trapp on the line, and he followed her advice. “I said: ‘I heard you’re disabled. I thought you might need a ride to the grocery,’ ” Rabbi Weisser said.
Then, one night, Rabbi Weisser’s phone rang again. It was Mr. Trapp. “He said, quote-unquote — I’ll never forget it, it was like a chilling moment, in a good way — he said, ‘I want to get out of what I’m doing and I don’t know how,’ ” Rabbi Weisser said.
He and Mrs. Weisser drove to Mr. Trapp’s apartment that night. The three talked for hours, and a close friendship formed. The couple’s home became a kind of hospice for Mr. Trapp, who moved into one of their bedrooms as his health worsened, and Mrs. Weisser became Mr. Trapp’s caretaker and confidante.
Mr. Trapp eventually renounced the Klan, apologized to many of those he had threatened, and converted to Judaism in Rabbi Weisser’s synagogue. Mr. Trapp, the former Klan leader, died in Rabbi Weisser’s home in September 1992, less than a year after they met. The rabbi spoke at his funeral.
“People were taken by the idea that an act of kindness can make a change,” Rabbi Weisser said. “ ‘Need a ride to the grocery?’,” you know?”
Rabbi Weisser isn’t even a Christian, but he practiced Christian civility! Can we do the same!