Maintaining sexual purity is one of the premier challenges of life! It is such an important issue that Solomon deals with the topic 5 times within the first 9 chapters of Proverbs. Like many of the lectures in Proverbs, this section begins with a call for one’s attention. In the first two verses of the chapter he challenges us to listen up and pay close attention to his advice on the relationship between wisdom and sex. He presents two very different roads to take: one is a highway to hell and the other is a freeway to fulfillment!

As we examine this chapter, let me remind you that Solomon wrote Proverbs for the young men of Israel. That is why he addresses this advice to his son and warns against the advances of an adulterous woman. Even though this chapter was specifically written for young men, it certainly applies to both men and women, young and old! Let’s take a look at these two roads and see where they lead!

1.) Sex outside Marriage is a Highway to Hell (3-14)
Solomon moves without a pause into his warning against the whiles of sexual immorality. Although he pictures an adulterous woman leading a man astray, the warning certainly applies to both sexes. He begins with some graphic images about how immorality begins and ends. The adulterous’ lips drip with honey, the sweetest substance in the ancient world, and her words are smoother than olive oil, the smoothest item in an Israelite household. Her flattery is designed to inflate the young man’s ego and signal her availability, opening the way for him to turn his thoughts into action.

The encounter may seem sweet and smooth at first, but it ends in bitterness and sharpness. Gall was a poisonous herb with an intensely bitter taste that was very common in ancient Palestine. Sexual immorality is like a bitter poison. Likewise, an encounter with the adulterous will leave you feeling slashed by a double-edged sword.

Solomon hit the nail on the head! Sexual immorality often begins with sweet and smooth words, but it always ends in bitterness and pain. Has anyone ever made a pass at you with flattery words? Don’t fall for it! Beware of sweet and smooth words!

If you are a man, beware of the woman who stokes your need for significance. Be cautious when she talks about your fine-looking face, mammoth muscles, stunning sense of humor, prestigious positions, or astounding achievements! I guarantee that you are not nearly as handsome, strong, funny, or good as her exaggerations! Look beyond her masquerade and see her motives!

If you are a woman, beware of the man who strokes your desire for security. Be careful when he mentions the beauty of your eyes, the flow of your hair, or the brilliance of your mind! I guarantee that he is not thinking about your eyes, hair, or brains! Look beyond his pretense and see his real purpose! Sexual immorality always begins well, but it never ends well!

Proverbs often warns us to judge things by their outcome rather than their beginning. Accepting an invitation to illicit lust will lead a person to the grave. The Hebrew word translated as “grave” is “Sheol” which can also be translated as “the place of the dead” or “hell.” Thus, the heading: sex outside of marriage is a highway to hell. This is primarily a metaphor for spiritual death, but in some cases it actually has literal implications. There are numerous examples from the ancient and modern world where sexual immorality lead directly to physical death.

Just as sexual immorality leads to spiritual and physical death; verse 6 says it leads to crooked paths in life. How often does sexual immorality lead to moral confusion in other areas? Whether it is premarital or extramarital sex, how many lies have to be told to keep it covered up? Like the adulterous that cannot tell the difference between right and wrong, someone who sinks into sexual immorality becomes morally confused that they often try to justify their actions. They ignore God’s standards and pave their own path through life.

Solomon is right again! The costs of momentary pleasure in sexual immorality are far too high! God designed sex to be acted upon within the bonds of marriage. If you ever find yourself contemplating premarital or extramarital sex, get rid of those thoughts as fast as you can! Whatever you do, don’t go looking for lust; and if it finds you, run the other way. The cost is too high! It’s not worth it!

You country music fans may remember that Garth Brooks sang a song that illustrates how sexual immorality can lead to physical death. Do you know which one? It goes like this:

Papa drove a truck nearly all his life, You know it drove mama crazy being a trucker’s wife

The part she couldn’t handle was the being alone, I guess she needed more to hold than just a telephone

Papa called Mama each and every night, Just to ask her how she was and if us kids were alright

Mama would wait for that call to come in, When Daddy’d hang up she was gone again

Well it was bound to happen and one night it did, Papa came home and it was just us kids

He had a dozen roses and a bottle of wine, If he was lookin’ to surprise us he was doin’ fine

I heard him cry for Mama up and down the hall, Then I heard a bottle break against the bedroom wall

That old diesel engine made an eerie sound, When Papa fired it up and headed into town

Well the picture in the paper showed the scene real well, Papa’s rig was buried in the local motel

The desk clerk said he saw it all real clear, He never hit the brakes and he was shifting gears

Mama was a looker, Lord, how she shined, Papa was a good’n, But the jealous kind

Papa loved Mama, Mama loved men, Mama’s in the graveyard, Papa’s in the pen

In verses 7-8 Solomon begins a new section with a fresh appeal to listen carefully. Do not turn away from my words, but do turn away from the immoral woman, he urges. If you put yourself on the path of temptation by loitering at the door of her house, he warns that you will surely fall. It is better to break off contact completely.

After this fresh plea to heed his warning, he offers a compelling litany of losses that come with sexual immorality. In verse 9 he says that immorality will cost you your strength. All the effort exerted in continuing such a relationship and keeping it covered up saps the strength from your body and lessens your years. In verse 10 he mentions that immorality will cost you your wealth. Whether through blackmail, alimony, child support, or heavy spending on the lover, the cost of immorality is always high.

In verse 11 he points out that sexual immorality will cost you your health: whether it is emotional health from stress and worry or actual physical health from a sexually transmitted disease. In verses 12-13 he stresses the loss of peace of mind. Sexual immorality carries a lifetime of groans and regrets. And finally, in verse 14, he highlights the loss of your reputation. Oftentimes sexual immorality can lead to a loss of job, endorsements, and public trust, but it always brings great embarrassment to you and your whole family.

If you don’t believe God’s Word about the costs of sexual immorality, just ask someone who has done it. If you don’t believe immorality costs you strength, years, and peace of mind, just ask Bill Clinton. If you ever get a chance to see pictures of his face before the scandal and after the scandal, you will be shocked. He aged 10 years in 2 years. If you don’t believe immorality costs your wealth, just ask Elliot Spitzer. It cost him an extravagant amount of money to keep his affair going and to keep it hidden, and when it came out, it cost him his job. If you don’t think immorality costs your health, just ask Magic Johnson or anyone else who contracted HIV from illicit sexual relationships.

If you don’t think immorality costs your reputation, just ask Tiger Woods! He went from America’s golden boy to America’s gutter boy! Let us take heed of Solomon’s advice and steer clear of this highway to hell!

2.) Sex inside Marriage is a Freeway to Fulfillment (15-20)
After Solomon warns about the costs of sinful sexual behavior, he changes his strategy and moves to highlighting the beauty and blessings of proper sexual behavior. He is reaffirming that God designed sex for the bounds of the marriage covenant and advises that an active and engaging sex life is one of the best defenses against sexual immorality. It is surprising to some people, but the Bible actually employs erotic language to promote sexual pleasure, as long as it is in marriage.

In verse 15 he urges his son to drink running water from his own cistern and well. These highly erotic images obviously and appropriately refer to the female sexual organs. He is advising his son to find sexual fulfillment in his own wife rather than other women. Likewise, in verses 16-17, he appropriately refers to the male sexual organ as a spring or a fountain. Its contents should not be spread publically, but a man’s sexual vitality should be reserved for his wife in private. In verse 18 he pronounces a blessing on his son’s fountain that he might receive maximum pleasure and joy from the sexual relationship with his wife.

In verse 19 he further characterizes the wife of his youth in erotic terms. May her breasts satisfy you always! I’m just curious, what do you think the word “always” means here? Hmn, I’ll let you and your spouse figure that one out on your own!

In the Bible a woman’s breasts are always compared to deer because they are smooth, sleek, and gentle. Solomon wishes for his son to be intoxicated by his wife’s breasts and inebriated by her love. Lovemaking should leave one feel lightheaded. He summarizes his main point in verse 20. In light of all the delights of one’s wife, why should the son pursue sexual pleasure in the arms of another, especially considering all the dangers? (Longman 162)

3.) God is always watching us! (21-23)
Now that Solomon has warned us about the dangers and costs of having sex outside of marriage and has showed us the delights and blessings of sex within marriage, he saves his most compelling argument for last. No one should ever slide down the slippery slope of sexual sin because God is always watching. You may be able to fool your spouse and everyone else around you for a while, but you cannot fool God for a second. You may be able to cover it up from human eyes for a time, but God’s omniscient and omnipresent eyes see everything dirty thing you do.

God is watching, and therefore, the punishments of verses 23-24 are not a matter of chance, but certainty; the implication is that no matter what particular form the punishment might take, God will assure that it will happen. Sexual sin always comes back to bite. If we are not inebriated by the love of our spouse, we will be inebriated by our own stupidity, and it will result in death. Sex outside of marriage is a highway to hell, but sex within marriage is a freeway to fulfillment!

Speaking of highways and freeways, every time I drive through the southern United States, I find myself feeling annoyed by the constant barrage of billboards that clutter the natural beauty of the landscape along the Interstates. I guess I am becoming a true Vermonter! Nevertheless, I can’t help be amused by some of the signs.

Somewhere in Virginia, Tennessee, or Alabama, I saw a humongous billboard advertizing the largest adult book store in the state. It read: The Lion’s Den—Adult Book Store: Magazines, Videos, Toys, and Live Shows—Next Exit. I remember feeling surprised and thought to myself, “Wow, I thought I was in the Bible Belt!”

Just about the time I had lost faith in the south, I came across another huge billboard that read in big block letters: God is Watching You! Paid for by the Members of Some Baptist Church!

Yes, the message on the billboard is true! God is watching you! He is watching all of us! He is watching us all the time!

Let me conclude with a few simple admonitions: First, if you are not married, you should not be engaging in any sexual activity! Save yourself for marriage! It is worth it and you won’t regret it! Second, if you are married, please make sure that you are taking full advantage of the joys and pleasures of sex with your spouse! May you be satisfied always! Third, if you are married and are involved in some type of extramarital relationship, cut it off immediately. It really isn’t worth it!

And finally, if you are here this morning and you are living regrets from past sexual sins, confess them to God, make it right with the person you sinned against, and experience the forgiveness of Jesus Christ! Fornication and adultery are serious sin; they have high costs; but they are not unforgivable! Jesus died on the cross to offer us forgiveness and freedom from sexual immorality!

The Book of Proverbs clearly shows us the relationship between wisdom and sex. There is a highway to hell and a freeway to fulfillment! Which road are you on?

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Throughout the years many people have observed the close relationship between wisdom and work. Here are a few examples:

• When Pope John Paul XXIII was asked how many people work in the Vatican, he replied, “About half of them.”

• The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work—Robert Frost

• Some people would do anything to be able to do nothing—Frank Tyger

• A personnel manager rejected a job applicant because the firm was overstaffed. But the would-be employee persisted, “The little bit of work I’d do won’t even be noticed!”

• On an employee bulletin board: In case of fire, flee the building with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time.

• I learned from experience that if there was something lacking it might turn up if I went after it, saved up for it, worked for it, but never if I just waited for it—Sam Levenson

• The best preparation for work is not thinking about work, talking about work, or studying for work: it is work—William Weld

• The harder you work the luckier you get—Gary Player

• Bear Bryant was a legend as a head football coach at the University of Alabama. One reporter sarcastically asked Bryant if it was true that he could walk on water. Bryant said, “Well, I won’t say I can or I can’t. But if I do, I do it before most people get up in the morning.”

Work is one of the chief marks of wisdom, and Israel’s teachers would never let their students forget that! Their doctrine of creation took seriously the human role in God’s care of the earth. They were no longer living in Eden, and therefore, if they were going to survive, it would be by the sweat of their brow. Tilling the soil, tending the vines, and taking care of the livestock were essential tasks for survival.

We must remember that God himself worked hard for six days creating the earth and rested on the seventh day. He has set seasons of sowing and harvest in the pages of our calendars, and if we ignore them it is to our own detriment. In a world where God has called all of us to work, it is indeed quite dangerous to be lazy. We typically don’t think of laziness as a sin, at least not on the same level as murder, sexual immorality, or even lying, but violating God’s creation order by refusing to work is like kicking Him right in the teeth! (Hubbard 155)

God’s attitude toward hard work and laziness are seen all over the Bible, but maybe nowhere more clearly than here in the book of Proverbs. The sheer quantity of Proverbs dealing with work and laziness is astounding. We will examine six of them together this morning and I have given you a host of others to read by yourself later. Even this is not a complete list.

Proverbs is simply intolerant of lazy people: they are considered the epitome of foolishness. On the other hand, hard work is considered as one of the greatest signs of wisdom. The central idea of each of these Proverbs is: Wise people work hard, but foolish people are lazy! So, let us consider some Proverbs!

Proverbs 14:23—This simple straightforward Proverb contrasts the results of actual hard work from mere talk about hard work. Talk is cheap, but actions bring profit. Hard work is guaranteed to bring at least some profit, but those who talk all the time and don’t do any work end up in poverty.

Are you the type person who really works or just talks about work? Do you actually study during your study hall or do you just sit around talking to your friends? Are you the one digging the ditch or standing around holding the shovel and talking to the guys?

Proverbs 12:11—This Proverb essentially says the same thing as the previous one, but this one situates lesson in agricultural terms. Hard work is practical and beneficial—it fills the stomach. On the contrary, chasing fantasies is neither practical nor beneficial—it just shows a lack of judgment.

Disney’s latest film, The Princess and the Frog, is a perfect example of this proverb. It is about a little girl named Tiana who grows up in New Orleans. The story begins with Tiana and her father making a pot of shrimp gumbo that is so good that the whole neighborhood comes out to have some. Tiana’s dad had a dream to open a restaurant but he died before he could make his dream real. The restaurant was going to be called Tiana’s Place and he already had the location picked out. Throughout the rest of the movie, Tiana adopts her father’s dream learns that there are no shortcuts to success.

For years, Disney has expressed in song that, “When you wish upon a star…anything your heart desires will come to you,” but this film shows that wishing for a dream is only half the battle, the other half requires hard work and determination. In other words, the real “magic” behind a wish is the effort you exert to make your dreams come true. Some people sit around wishing on stars while others put in the hard work. Which one are you!

Proverbs 10:4-5, 26—These Proverbs continue to build upon the contrasting results of hard work and laziness. Hard work brings wealth and laziness ends in poverty and deprivation. The farmer who gather’s his crops at harvest time is wise, but the one who sleeps when there is work to do is foolish. Just as vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes causes irritation, frustration, and annoyance so it is for those who have to wait for a lazy person to get a job done.

Robert Orben notes a worthy strategy for showing up to work each day. He says, “Every morning I get up and look through Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”

Proverbs 6:6-11—Here we begin to see some of the sarcastic quality of Proverbs. The sage instructs the sluggard to go and observe the ant and gain its wisdom. If an ant, one of the smallest and most insignificant of God’s creatures, does not have someone telling it what to do, and yet has enough sense to gather its food and store its provisions in a timely fashion, there is no excuse for a human being to be lazy.

While the ant is praised for being industrious and diligent, the lazy person is ridiculed for not getting out of bed. After the satire of the ant, the sage tries to motive the sluggard with taunting rhetorical questions. Then, the sage finishes with the familiar proverb—“a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands” which is set up to be an imaginary statement of the lazy person. They say that they just want a little nap but everyone knows that the little nap will turn into a long slumber to avoid work. These types of long naps make it impossible to sustain life.

Proverbs 24:30-34– This proverb is another satire on lazy people. Since lazy people are the epitome of foolishness, they deserve to be parodied. The short story begins with the sage walking by fields belonging to a sluggard farmer. The imagery describes fields that are in terrible shape: they were covered with thorns, there were weeds everywhere, and the stone wall was in ruins. All of this was obviously caused by neglect. As he stopped to think about this, he observed that laziness leads to poverty. Laziness drains all of a person resources and leaves them destitute like a victim of robbery.

Proverbs 26:13-16– This is my favorite proverb regarding laziness! It is probably my favorite because it is the most sarcastic one of all. It pictures a person who is so lazy that they actually claim that there was a lion in the street as an excuse for not doing any work. While there were lions in Palestine at this time, they were extremely rare and hardly posed a threat to anyone’s life. It would be like one of us here in Vermont saying, “Sorry honey, I can’t take out the trash because their might be a catamount outside in the yard.”

The new signs in the apartment building’s parking lot read: “Speed Limit—11 m.p.h.” When Ralph spotted the groundskeeper he asked, “How come 11 m.p.h.? Why not 10 m.p.h.” His reply, “Easier to paint.”

The second proverb makes fun of lazy people for spending too much time in bed. They are fixed in their bed like a door is fixed on its hinges—they may move, but they don’t go anywhere; they make no progress. By making fun of them, Solomon is trying to motivate the young people to avoid the pitfalls of laziness.

The third proverb points out the fact that lazy people destroy themselves with their destructive behavior. It is absolutely ridiculous to imagine someone so lazy that they cannot even move the food from their plate to their mouth. A person like this is not only lazy but also arrogant.

An example of imagination spurred on by outright lethargy is contained in the story of an old mountaineer and his wife who were sitting in front of the fireplace one evening just whiling away the time.

After a long silence, the wife said: “Jed, I think it’s raining. Get up and to outside and see.”

The old mountaineer continued to gaze into the fire for a second, sighed, then said, “Aw, Ma, why don’t we just call in the dog and see if he’s wet.”

All of these proverbs are essentially saying the same thing: Wise people work hard, but foolish people are lazy! So, let me ask you, are you wise or foolish? Are you willing to work for what you want or do you expect someone else to give it to you? Are you willing to start at the bottom and do a good job or do you want to sit around and wait for a hand out?

I don’t know about you, but it seems to me like we live in such a culture of entitlement today. So many people seem to believe that the world owes them something. Others keep waiting for some fantasy dream job to just drop in their lap. I hear so many people say, “Well, my family will take care of me” or “the government will take care of me.” I hear others say, “I just can’t find a job in this economy” but what they really mean is that they can’t find a job that is worthy of them. It is astounding that people are not willing to milk cows or scrub toilets. Are you willing to labor in a culture of lackadaisical laziness? God tells us that wise people work hard and fare well in the end!

Charles J. Sykes, author of the book Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can’t Read, Write, or Add, wrote an article which appeared in the San Diego Union Tribune on September 19, 1996 entitled “Some Rules Kid’s Won’t Learn in School.” Here they are:

• Rule 1: Life is not fair — get used to it!

• Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

• Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

• Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

• Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping — they called it opportunity.

• Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

• Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

• Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

• Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

• Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

• Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

The family is an interesting institution. Humorist Robert Orbin once said, “Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s immortal words: ‘We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills.’ It sounds exactly like our family vacation.” Someone else once said, “To prove his love for her, he swam the deepest river, crossed the widest desert and climbed the highest mountain. She divorced him. He was never home.”

At the annual family-reunion picnic, a young bride led her husband over to an old woman busily crocheting in a rocker. “Granny,” she said, touching the old woman’s hand affectionately, “this is my new husband.” The woman eyed him critically for a long moment, then asked abruptly, “Do you desire children?” Startled by her bluntness, the young man blushed and stammered, “Well-uh-yes, I do very much.” “Well,” she said, looking scornfully at the large tribe gathered around the six picnic tables, “try to control it!”

We chuckle about all of the problems families’ experience, and yet we instinctively believe what author Samuel Johnson wrote, “To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labor ends.” And we affirm the words of the great German poet Goethe when he said, “He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.” The family is not only the fundamental building block of all society, but it the place we find the deepest human source of joy and fulfillment.

What are some of the happiest days of your life? I bet most of them were spent with family! For some of us, it was the day we walked down the aisle and joined our spouse in holy matrimony with family all around. For others, it was when we held our children in our arms just after they were born. Still, others may remember a particular occasion or some special day, but there is a good chance that family was a part of it.

Just as family is often at the center of the happiest days of our lives, sometimes family is the cause of some of our most painful and miserable days. When a parent or family member abuses a child, they bear the ugly emotional scares in their soul for the rest of their lives. When a teenager rebels against his or her parents, the agony of disrespect haunts us for many years. When a husband or wife abandons their spouse for someone else, it leaves a gaping wound in their heart.

King Solomon knew that that family has the potential to give us the highest highs and the lowest lows of life. He experienced the pain of family conflict firsthand when his half-brother Absalom tried to murder their father David and when his other half-brother Adonijah rebelled against David and set himself up as king. You can read those stories in II Samuel and I Kings. Solomon also experienced the exhilaration of family when he met, fell in love with, courted, and married his first wife. You can read that story in the Song of Solomon.

Yes, Solomon knew that family can be both beautiful and difficult. That is why he recorded so many proverbs about family life. He knew that people needed great wisdom to navigate the land mines that destroy families and experience the indescribable joy that comes with a peaceful home. He shows us how to establish a godly heritage!

If you want to have the best family life possible, you need God’s wisdom. And God’s wisdom about family is found here in the Book of Proverbs. Let’s take a look at some!

Husbands & Wives
Before I explain these individual proverbs, I need to clarify something. You will notice that each of these wisdom sayings addresses the role of wives and sons. Before you assume that Solomon was some male chauvinist pig who only tells wives how they need to act and doesn’t care about daughters, you should know that the Book of Proverbs was primarily written for the young men of Israel. Therefore, he focuses on teaching the young men how to be a good son and what to look for when pursuing a wife.

If the book had been written for the young women of Israel, it certainly would have focused on the role of daughters and what to look for in a husband. Even though these proverbs are addressed to young men, they certainly apply to everyone, whether male or female. I am not in favor of gender neutrality in Bible translations, but I wholeheartedly believe that there proverbs are meant to be applied with gender reciprocity. So, I will apply them to genders!

Proverbs 12:4- I think this Proverb identifies the most important and overarching quality necessary for a good spouse. “Noble character” encompasses a lot of territory; virtues such as holiness, honesty, hard work, patience, peacefulness, kindness, compassion, and self-control. When a person marries someone with noble character, their spouse will bring them honor and dignity. Just as a crown around the head is a precious ornament that displays splendor, a spouse with noble character is something to be proud of.

On the other hand, a disgraceful spouse (that is someone who is lacking in moral strength and common sense) brings pain, disgrace, shame, and embarrassment. This type of spouse weakens the soul just as bone cancer weakens the body. He or she will wear you down to the point where you don’t want to do anything.

I have a good friend who was in a marriage just like this. His first wife who was the love of his life unexpectedly left him for a younger man and he was devastated. He isn’t the type of person who likes to be alone, so a couple of years trying to find someone else, he wound up settling for woman who he knew she had deplorable character and notorious reputation. She had already been married twice (the first time to his former best friend) and had taken all of their money.

In spite of my begging him not to, he married her. For the first six months or so she was on her best behavior, but then her true colors began to shine. She quit working, made extravagant purchases, and ran up credit card debt behind his back. One time not long after he had just bought her new living room furniture, she turned around and sold it on e-bay for a quarter of what it was worth. Then she went to Rent-a-Center and rented new furniture. Can you imagine getting home from work and finding out your spouse did something like this? Well, he got to the point where he would seldom go out in public with her because he was afraid of how she might embarrass him. I truly believe that the stress of his marriage was a major contributor to his untimely death! A disgraceful wife literally brought decay to his bones!

If you are not married yet, I beg you to make a commitment to yourself right now that you will only marry someone with noble character! If your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t honest with you now, what makes you think that they will be once you are married? So many people get married for the wrong reasons. They say things like, “Well, she doesn’t work very hard, but at least she’s hot!” or “Well, he’s not very compassionate, but at least he has money!”

If you are already married, the nobler your character becomes, the better your relationship will be. Let Jesus Christ mold you into the person he wants you to be and you will bestow dignity and honor upon your spouse. Wives, be your husband’s crown! Husband’s be your wife’s tiara!

Proverbs 14:1- This proverb is a simple comparison between a wise and foolish wife. A wise wife builds her household, which means that she nurtures her family and causes it to flourish. A foolish woman’s actions, whether it be contentiousness, laziness, indiscretion, or immorality, destroy her household.

Men, be warned! Stay far away from a foolish woman! Women, be warned! Stay away from a foolish man! If you want to have a family that flourishes, it has to be built on a foundation of wisdom!

Proverbs 18:22- Even wise young men and women have difficulty discovering a good spouse. They may choose a guy or girl for the wrong reasons, and then discover that their choice was hasty. It is only with guidance from the Lord that a man or woman can find the right mate.

So, if you are looking for the right person to spend the rest of your life with, make sure that you are being led by God. It is easy to be blinded by beauty and persuaded by passion! Likewise, if you are already married and have a happy home, recognize that it is a gift from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:13-14- Just as a foolish child brings disaster upon his or her parents, a quarrelsome spouse is nagging, annoying, and irritating like a dripping faucet. Just as a constant dripping can cause damage to a house, a quarrelsome spouse can cause exasperation and permanent damage to family relationships. But nothing makes a person’s life happier than a prudent spouse, one who is wise, capable, and knows how to deal with people lovingly. Although a person may inherit property or wealth from parents, a prudent spouse is a gift from the Lord.

Consider yourself for a second! Are you a quarrelsome or prudent person? Are you a leaky faucet or a secure spout? And when you are considering a spouse, make sure you know the difference!

Proverbs 21:19- This proverb is similar to the preceding one in that it warns against entering into a relationship with a difficult person. The meaning here is quite simple: You are better off alone than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered person.

As you can see from this set of proverbs, there is a lot to think about before you get married and start building a family. You can see how when a marriage is built on a poor and foolish foundation, that it can cause many years of frustration, pain, and misery, but if the marriage is build on a wise and godly foundation, it can bring us more joy than we can imagine. Likewise, if you are already married and your relationship is rocky, there is still hope! When you apply God’s wisdom to your character and relationship, he begins to iron out the wrinkles and pave the way for a smoother and more joyful future.

Parents & Children
Proverbs 1:8-9- Solomon, speaking in behalf of God, gives an imperative command to sons and daughters to obey to their parents teaching and instruction. The translated here as “listen” is the Hebrew word “shema” which literally means to obey. Attentiveness to parental instruction reaps a reward. Just as a garland for the head or a gold chain around the neck enhances a person’s physical attractiveness and symbolizes success, a young person who obeys his or her parents’ commands honor and respect and has a greater chance of success.

How well have you followed your parent’s instruction? When we are young, we tend to think that our parents don’t know what they are talking about, but when we get older and have experienced more of life, we realize that they knew more than we thought they did. If you want people to honor and respect you, you have to be honorable and respectable; and we gain that from listening to our parents. I don’t care how old you are, it is never too late to obey your parents instruction. Will you do it and reap the rewards?

Proverbs 11:29- Anyone who brings trouble upon his or her family is a fool and will lose their inheritance. He or she may have expected to have wealth or servants, but they will be penniless and forced into servitude to survive.

When I read this proverb, I can help but think about one of my best childhood friends. We lived in a small village and he only lived eleven house up the road from me. We spent a lot of time together and got into a lot of trouble together, but he never grew out of it. When he was young, he seldom listen to his parents and often disrespected them. When he was in junior high, he would break into his dad’s mechanic shop and steal beer. When he was sixteen, he got his girlfriend pregnant. When was eighteen, he got arrested for assaulting a police officer. When he was nineteen, he beat his dad with a baseball bat so bad that the paramedics had to rush him to the ICU. He has spent much of his twenties behind bars.

A few years ago he showed up to my grandmother’s funeral drunk out of his mind. It was the first time I had seen him in years, and all he could do was laugh because he didn’t have a job or a place to live. His parents didn’t want him. The rest of his family didn’t want anything to do with him. And he hardly had any friends left. Indeed, his inheritance was spent!

Proverbs 20:20- This proverb is the counterpart to the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Ex. 20:12) The Mosaic Law provided for the death penalty when a son was rebellious because the whole community was at risk and this proverb proposes a similar fate for a child who curses his or her parents. The “lamp” in this verse refers to physical life. A person who curses his or her father or mother exhibits such a destructive attitude that it could lead to an untimely death.

The friend that I just finished telling you about had a cousin who lived just six houses down the road from me. He was always in trouble when he was young, and even though his parents warned him about the dangers of drug use, he decided that he wasn’t going to listen to anyone. He died of a heroin overdose at the age of seventeen.

In his book A Spiritual Clinic, author J. Oswald Sanders recorded the classic observations about two Revolutionary War era families from New England, and the differing impacts each has had down through the generations. One family was the Max Juke family, and the other was the family of Jonathan Edwards, the well-known theologian and scholar who played such a prominent role in the early days of our nation.

Max Juke was a godless man who married a woman of like character. Among the known descendants, over 1,200 were studied: Three hundred and ten became vagrants; 440 lived a debauched lifestyle; 130 were sent to prison for an average of 13 years each, 7 of them for murder. There were over 100 alcoholics; 60 thieves; 190 prostitutes. Of the 20 who learned a trade, 10 of them learned the trade in prison. It cost the state about $1,500,000, and they made no contribution to society.

In about the same era Jonathan Edwards, a man of God, married a woman of like character. From this marriage came 300 clergymen, missionaries, and theological professors; over 100 college professors; over 100 attorneys, 30 of them judges; 60 physicians; over 60 authors; and 14 university presidents. There were many giants in American industry. Three became United States congressmen, and one became the vice president of the United States.

The impact of a godly husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers is enormous and can last for many generations. Those who follow the principles of Proverbs will be blessed by God with a godly heritage that will bring great reward to them, great good to the world, and great glory to God. We will all leave a family heritage, will it be like Max Juke or Jonathan Edwards?

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In typical fashion, when George Allen moved to Washington, D.C., as head coach of the Redskins, he promised the nation’s capital the moon. He told them it would be just a few seasons before he would develop the Redskins into a championship football team. He promised them the Super Bowl by the end of his second season. The team had a brilliant preseason that first year. Then, early in the regular season, they won several amazing victories. It appeared the Redskins were to be lifted from their common role of loser to the uncommon role of winner.

As time passed, however, the inevitable occurred. They began to lose and lose and lose. The blame fell, at least in part, not on Coach George Allen, but on a quarterback named Sonny Jurgenson, one of the most gifted and effective quarterbacks to ever play the game. Jurgenson possessed a quality I deeply admire: personal security. It seems as though no one could intimidate Sonny Jurgenson.

One day after another defeat, Sonny was getting ready to take a shower and go home. A sportswriter leaned over to him in the locker room and said, “Say, Sonny, be honest now. Don’t all these off-the-wall remarks we write and all this public flack disturb you? Doesn’t it make you want to quit when people throw things at you from the stands and when you get those dirty letters?”

Sonny just leaned back, gave a big, toothless grin, and sighed, “No, not really, I don’t want to quit. I’ve been in this game long enough to know that every quarterback, every week of the season, spends his time either in the penthouse or in the outhouse.”

Sonny’s comment points out an important fact. It is true that if you are a leader, you spend your time either on the top or on the bottom. You seldom know what it’s like to be in between. You are either the hero or the villain. You are respected or you are virtually hated. People in leadership must live on the yo-yo of public opinion, under the gun of verbal jabs as well as on the crest of great admiration. Being “in the outhouse” is a lot more difficult than those choice times “in the penthouse.” It’s when we are under verbal attack of the intimidating public that we show our true colors.

Both leaders and followers are to blame for this “penthouse/outhouse” mentality. When leaders want to receive all the glory, they set themselves up for a great fall. Likewise, when followers put all of their trust in leaders, they set themselves up for great disappointment. There must be a better balance to this! Any successful team, company, organization, nation, community, church, or family must possess good leadership and good followership! But what does a person need to be a good leader or a good follower?

Well, God, in his infinite wisdom, answers this question in the book of Proverbs. He delivers a host of power packed wisdom sayings to guide both leaders and followers through life. He speaks to the type of character that is necessary for good leadership and followership and addresses the outcomes of each.

The Book of Proverbs deals with the issues of leadership and followership in monarchical language. When Solomon wrote these proverbs he was the King of Israel. In those days, most of the nations were ruled by kings who possessed absolute authority; leadership and kingship were virtually synonymous. As modern Americans, we do not live in a monarchical society, but these proverbs are relevant for all types of leadership. So, let us consider these Proverbs.

Leading the Followers (Proverbs 16:10; 20:28; 29:4, 12, 14)
Proverbs 16:10—In the ancient world, an oracle was a priest or a prophet who delivered messages from a god. The message carried authority because of its divine source. In this proverb, the king can speak with finality because God has placed him in power. Since he speaks on God’s behalf, his words and actions must be just. If he does speak and act with justice, he will misrepresent the Lord.

Proverbs 20:28—This proverb affirms that when a king displays the kindness and reliability that goes with his office, his subjects will respond with loyalty. He will be safe and his kingdom will be secure. This proverb points to the truth that power cannot rest on brute force alone.

Proverbs 29:4, 12, 14—According to Proverbs, a ruler can achieve national stability by ruling with justice, honesty, and fairness. On the other hand, a person who is greedy for bribes squanders the nation’s wealth. The ruler must set a high standard of integrity if he wants his kingdom to last. When he takes the advice of liars, he creates a climate where deceit can flourish, but when people find out that he rewards honesty, honesty will increase. And when the king treats the poor (those who have no bearing on his decisions) with dignity and fairness, both the Lord and the people will be pleased with him.

In 1789 an uncertain George Washington is urged to seek the presidency by Governor Morris, a Pennsylvania delegate to the Constitutional Convention. Morris writes Washington: “No constitution is the same on paper and in life. The exercise of authority depends upon personal character. Your cool steady temper is indispensably necessary to give a firm and manly tone to the new government.”

What is required to be a good leader? These proverbs highlight the character qualities of justice, honesty, love, kindness, and fairness as requirements for good leadership. I think we can actually boil all of these qualities down into two words: integrity and service! It is impossible for a person to be a good leader without integrity! A leader without integrity will eventually abuse the power and authority that comes with the position and the people will ultimately suffer. Likewise, it is impossible for a person to be a good leader if he or she does not serve. A king who sits on his high horse all day is not respected by the people.

President Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, “In order to be a leader a man must have followers. And to have followers, a man must have their confidence. Hence the supreme quality of a leader is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, on a football field, in an army, or in an office. If a man’s associates find him guilty of phoniness, if they find that he lacks forthright integrity, he will fail. His teachings and actions must square with each other. The first great need, therefore, is integrity and high purpose.”

With all of this talk about integrity as a requirement for good leadership, some of you may be thinking to yourself, “Wow, I sure am glad I am not a leader!” And to that, I say “Hold up! Not so fast! You are not off the hook yet!” We may not all be kings or presidents of countries, but we are all called to some form leadership. For instance, if you are married, there is a God ordained reciprocal leadership role with your spouse. If you are a parent, you have a God ordained leadership role with your children. If you are a business owner or manager, you have a God ordained leadership role with your employees or subordinates. If you are a teacher, you have a God ordained leadership role with your students. If you are a deacon, trustee, council member, or pastor, you have a God ordained leadership role to shepherd the souls of the church. We are all leaders! How are you leading? Are you leading with integrity?

We certainly see the truth of these proverbs lived out all around us. Today there are many African and South American countries who cannot maintain a stable government because of corrupt leadership. Many American companies have gone bankrupt because of a lack of integrity at the top—Enron, Halliburton, AIG, etc. How many businesses have gone under because the owner didn’t treat his or her employees well? How many churches have fallen apart because of a lack of integrity and service in its leadership? How many marriages have broken up because of a lack of integrity?

Are you raising your children with love and honesty? Are you managing your employees with justice and fairness? Are you teaching your students with kindness? Whatever leadership role you find yourself in now or in the future, I hope you will lead with justice, honesty, kindness, love, and fairness! I hope you will lead the followers with integrity and service!

Following the Leaders (Proverbs 14:35; 16:12-15; 24:21-22; 27:18)
Modern American culture definitely emphasizes leadership over followership. We hear about the importance of good leadership all the time, but when was the last time you heard a lecture or a sound bite about good followership? There is no doubt about it, leading the followers is important to God, but so is following the leaders! How does one become a good follower? Well, God has given us a few proverbs to answer that question as well!

Proverbs 14:35—Here we see a clear contrast between a wise servant who brings delight to his king and a shameful servant who incurs the king’s wrath. The first one pleases the king, but the second one endures a blast of anger. Poor performance and behavior never wins the affection of the boss.

Proverbs 16:12-15—How do you please a king? First, be completely honest. Second, learn how to appease the king when he becomes angry with you. Kings have the power to destroy people’s lives. Third, work hard to stay in the king’s graces. In reality, each of these three principles applies to anyone in authority over us.

Proverbs 24:21-22—Rebellion may initially sound good, but it usually proves destructive in the end. God is the ultimate authority and he places people in authority positions. It is never prudent to rebel against divine authority and is seldom wise to rebel against human authority. We must always remember that God is the one who has placed human authorities over us.

Proverbs 27:18—Just as a person who tends fig trees gets to enjoy the fruit of his labor, those who are diligent to take care of the people in authority over them will be honored. A servant should value his master as a farmer prizes the fig tree, one of the most highly valued trees in Israel. This proverb also implies patience. It takes a fig tree a number of years before it begins to produce fruit. Likewise, it may take a number of years before faithful service to the master before it pays off.

What does it take to be a good follower? The same qualities as a good leader: Integrity and service! Notice the particular character qualities in these proverbs: good behavior, honesty, loyalty, hard work, respect, and patience. These all amount to integrity and service!

S. I. McMillen, in his book None of These Diseases, tells a story of a young woman who wanted to go to college, but her heart sank when she read the question on the application blank that asked, “Are you a leader?” Being both honest and conscientious, she wrote, “No,” and returned the application, expecting the worst. To her surprise, she received this letter from the college: “Dear Applicant: A study of the application forms reveals that this year our college will have 1,452 new leaders. We are accepting you because we feel it is imperative that they have at least one follower.”

Like leadership, we are all followers! Whether it is our parents, our boss, our teacher, or our government officials, we all have someone in authority over us. In God’s kingdom, following is just as important as leading. How good of a follower are you? Do you treat your parents with respect? Are you loyal and hard working for your boss? Do you exhibit honesty and good behavior for your teachers? Are you patient with your government officials? I hope we will all follow with integrity and service!

Eli Black was a brilliant businessman best known for two events in his life: He masterminded the multimillion dollar takeover of the United Fruit conglomerate, and he jumped to his death from the 42nd floor of the Pan Am building in New York City.

In the book An American Company, an executive described a business lunch he had with Eli Black. When the waitress brought a plate of cheese and crackers as an appetizer, Black reached out and took them, placed them on the table, blocked them with his arms, and continued talking. The executive hadn’t eaten for hours and hinted that he would like a cracker. But Black acted as though he hadn’t heard him and went on with the business meeting.

After a while, Black placed a cracker and cheese on the tips of his fingers and continued to talk. Several moments later, Black placed the cracker on the executive’s plate and then blocked the rest as before. It was clear that Black was in charge, manipulating others as he pleased. When you play “follow the leader,” check to see who is at the head of the line. Eli Black, for all his power, ended up in suicide. Jesus Christ, in all His humility, ended up the Savior of the world.

Jesus Christ is the greatest leader and follower in the history of the world. He is the greatest follower because he obeyed his heavenly father perfectly. He followed with integrity and service! He is the greatest leader because he has transformed the lives of millions of people all over the world for two-thousands and he is still doing it today! He leads with integrity and service!

Jesus is our perfect model for leading and following! As proverbs teaches us and Jesus modeled for us, the keys to good leadership and followership are integrity and service!

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Last week The London Times reported that the late Pope John Paul II, who has been put on the fast track to sainthood by the Vatican, regularly whipped himself as an act of penance to feel closer to God. The Polish-born Pope performed self flagellation as a bishop in Krakow and continued to do so in the Vatican after being elected Pope in 1978. “In his wardrobe, among his vestments, there hung on a clothes hanger a special belt which he used as a whip,” Monsignor Oder says. He said self flagellation was “an instrument of Christian perfection” emulating the sufferings of Jesus Christ. He added that in Poland the former Bishop often slept on the bare floor to practice self-denial and asceticism.

Sister Sobodka, who belongs to the Order of the Sacred Heart of Jesus said “We would hear it—we were in the next room. You could hear the sound of the blows when he would flagellate himself. He did it when he was still capable of moving on his own.” In 1986, in his annual Letter to Priests, John Paul wrote: “What one must see in these forms of penance, which, unfortunately, our times are not accustomed to—are the motives: the love of God and the conversion of sinners.”

Now I wonder why a story as insignificant as this made international headlines! I suspect that it has an interesting shock value for many people, especially those who have been raised in the Protestant tradition—where self-flagellation sounds strange and even masochistic. Why would anybody in their right mind—let alone a holy man—purposefully inflict pain upon himself with a whip? What many people do not know is that self-flagellation is a spiritual discipline that has been commonly practiced in the church for hundreds of years. Saints who whipped themselves include St. Francis of Assisi, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Ignatius of Loyola, St. Thomas More, Mother Teresa, and many more!

When Pope John Paul II said “unfortunately, our times are not accustomed to” I believe he was not only lamenting a departure away from self-flagellation but he was mourning the disappearance of any form of discipline. I’m still not sure what I think about self-flagellation, but I definitely agree with the Pope about discipline in general. If we are really honest about it, our modern culture despises discipline. We don’t like anything that resembles rules! We avoid pain at all costs! And we certainly don’t like anyone telling us how to think or what to do! For many of us, discipline has become a dirty word! Discipline smacks up against the face of our no hold bard “Live free or die!” mindset.

The great spiritual writer A.W. Tozer, in his book Men Who Met God, said, “We must face the fact that many today are notoriously careless in their living. This attitude finds its way into the church. We have liberty, we have money, we live in comparative luxury. As a result, discipline practically has disappeared. What would a violin solo sound like if the strings on the musician’s instrument were all hanging loose, not stretched tight, not ‘disciplined’?”

We live in a world that celebrates freedom at the expense of discipline. All the time I hear people say things like “I have the right to spend my money any way I please”, “I can have casual sex with whoever I want whenever I want”, “I’m 18, now I can do whatever I want.” And if anyone tries to impose rules, regulations, or restrictions, they are criticized for being a prude, killjoy, or a legalist. Since the strings of our society are not stretched very tight, it is no wonder that so many of the sounds aren’t very pleasant. There is no doubt about it, we live in a world where to a large extent, discipline has disappeared!

Wisdom & Discipline

But as with most things, God has something to say about discipline. The word “discipline appears 52 times in the Bible, 20 of which emerge in the Book of Proverbs. Remember the purpose of Proverbs is to impart wisdom to us so that we can live the best life possible. In these Proverbs, God weaves wisdom and discipline together. Actually, they are in an inseparable and reciprocal relationship with one another. They are inseparable because you cannot have one without the other and they are reciprocal because discipline is both a means to acquiring wisdom and an evidence of wisdom. So, God is basically saying that if you want a better life you must be involved in this reciprocal relationship with wisdom and discipline!

If you read each of the 20 Proverbs that talk about discipline you would notice that they are used in two different ways. As a matter of fact, we can break them into two different categories of usage: giving discipline and relieving discipline. Some people are good at giving discipline but aren’t so good at receiving it for themselves: we usually call these people hypocrites. Others are good at receiving discipline for themselves but are not very good at giving it to others: we usually call these people cowards. Still, here some people who are good at both and others who are not good with either one. As we will see, giving and receiving are both important for acquiring and evidencing wisdom, and thus living a better life! I don’t have enough time to address all 20 proverbs that deal with discipline, but I will comment on a few from each category. Let’s begin with giving discipline!

Giving Discipline (13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 29:15-21)

Proverbs 13:24—First of all, notice the shocking contrast between the words “love” and “hate.” Parents often feel that love is incompatible with physical punishment, but actually the opposite is true. God actually declares that a refusal to discipline is actually a sign of hatred, but discipline is a sign of love. This is counterintuitive and certainly countercultural today, but it is the Word of God.

Proverbs 22:15—Since Adam’s fall in the Garden of Eden, every child has entered the world with a willful, stubborn, selfish, and spirit. Don’t be deceived by those cute little fingers and toes; folly is bound up in their little hearts, and it doesn’t take long to see it. Sinful behavior comes naturally for children and it will not go away automatically. Parents must take the initiative to discourage such folly whenever it surfaces. This is, no doubt, one of the most difficult aspects of parenting!

Proverbs 23:13-14—Here we see discipline introduced for the first time as a matter of life and death. The direct imperative prohibition against withholding corporal punishment shows the seriousness of the issue. Discipline produces wisdom and wisdom generally leads to a longer life. A child will not only survive the spanking; he or she will also survive because of the spanking.

Proverbs 29:15-21—This passage is a sort of summary of the previous three and an extension beyond just giving discipline to children. Discipline should be administered as needed to anyone under our care—children, grandchildren, servants, employees, students, etc. Now certainly corporal punishment is not appropriate in every case, but sometimes discipline needs to be more than mere words. A disciplined person brings peace and delight while an undisciplined person produces disgrace and grief in the end.

Now I realize that some of us are very uncomfortable with this type of language. Some of us live with the physical scars and painful memories of what was described to us as “discipline.” Maybe the image of a rod, paddle, belt, ruler, switch, or something else still evokes feelings of terror inside of you. Please hear me! These verses were never intended to be nor should ever be used as justification for abuse. I believe that one of the reasons why our culture has reacted so intensely against discipline today is because of how it has been misused in the past. If you are still suffering from the effects of abusive discipline, I am so sorry and I pray that Jesus Christ would heal your wounded heart.

But I also challenge you not to throw the baby out with the bath water! Listen to what God is saying in these verses. Discipline, when motivated by love, produces wisdom and leads to a better life. A parent who is unwilling to discipline their child is just as unloving as a parent who abuses their child. There is a balance to this!

You don’t want to make the same mistake that Bill Cosby’s parents did. Bill remembers one day when his father was reading, he and his brother decided they could play basketball in the living room without breaking anything. When he took a shot that redesigned the glass table, his mother came in with a stick and said, “So help me, I’ll bust you in half.” Without lifting his head from his book, his father said, “Why would you want twice as many?” We certainly don’t want to bust anyone in half, yet neither do we want to just laugh it off. One of the best gifts we can give our children is discipline!

I should also mention that the discipline process does not end at 12 years old. When kids outgrow “Time Out’s” and “Spanks,” curfews, groundings, and loss of privileges are all appropriate forms of discipline. And for those really late bloomers, let me mention a few more. I would not pay college tuition for a child who is screwing around and drinking their way to “flunkersville.” I would not provide free room and board to a child who refuses to work or is supporting a drug habit. On the basis of God’s Word and for the sake of his or her life, please cut them off! Do not reward bad behavior! We all need discipline! Are you willing to give it?

Receiving Discipline (12:1; 13:18; 15:31-32; 3:11-12)

That brings us to the second category of discipline. God not only wants us to give discipline well, but he also wants us to receive it well. So, let’s look at a few more proverbs.

Proverbs 12:1—I just love the bluntness of this verse! It doesn’t require much explanation! Those who love discipline and correction gain knowledge, but those who hate discipline and correction are simply stupid because they do not learn from their mistakes and perpetuate bad behavior.

Proverbs 13:18—Solomon offers another contrast, showing the results of those who ignore and heed discipline and correction. Those who ignore it wind up in poverty and shame whereas those who heed it are honored. How many times have we seen this lived out before us?

Proverbs 15:31-32—This proverb makes the observation that wise people are willing to receive a rebuke and can handle criticism. The wise are willing to admit mistakes, change behavior, improve their lives, and are therefore less apt to make the same mistake twice. Wisdom is really defined by one’s willingness to listen to correction.

Proverbs 3:11-12—This passage moves beyond the realm of human discipline to divine discipline. When we are not self-disciplined and fall into various forms of folly, God acts as our loving father and rebukes us and disciplines us. Wise people genuinely want to correct their wrong thinking and bad behavior, but foolish people take correction personally and either ignore it or get angry.

But notice how God’s discipline is motivated out of love. He does not want his people to continue in life damaging attitudes and behavior. Discipline and correction, though painful at the time, is actually a favor because it saves us greater pain in the future. Divine discipline is actually a form of sovereign grace.

These verses pose an important decision for us—we can either choose to discipline ourselves or God can do it for us. We can choose to discipline ourselves by living in moderation, turning from sin, and living for the Lord, or we can choose to live in excess, continue in sin, and live for ourselves—and face God’s discipline. The choice is ours! What will you choose?

God loves us so much that he will make it difficult for us to live in sin and folly. The absence of corrective discipline would actually indicate divine rejection. How does God discipline us? Suffering! Now please don’t misunderstand me—I am not saying that all suffering is God’s discipline, but some of it is. God sometimes uses sickness, loss, and hardship to steer us back toward the right path. C.S. Lewis once said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pain.” How has God disciplined you?

M. Scott Peck, in his book The Road Less Traveled recounts a story from his childhood, “I spent much of my ninth summer on a bicycle. About a mile from our house the road went down a steep hill and turned sharply at the bottom. Coasting down the hill one morning, I felt my gathering speed to be ecstatic. To give up this ecstasy by applying brakes seemed an absurd self-punishment. So I resolved to simultaneously retain my speed and negotiate the corner. My ecstasy ended seconds later when I was propelled a dozen feet off the road into the woods. I was badly scratched and bleeding, and the front wheel of my new bike was twisted beyond use from its impact against a tree. I had been unwilling to suffer the pain of giving up my ecstatic speed in the interest of maintaining my balance around the corner. I learned, however, that the loss of balance is ultimately more painful than the giving up required to maintain balance. It is a lesson I have continually had to relearn. As must everyone, for as we negotiate the curves and corners of our lives, we must continually give up parts of ourselves.”

It really is much less painful for us to apply the brakes of discipline to ourselves! Where do you need discipline in your life? Frivolous spending? Sex outside the marriage bed? Alcohol abuse? As we negotiate the curves and corners of our lives, what parts of ourselves must we give up?

When I think about discipline, giving it and receiving it, the lyrics of one of my favorite songs always pops into my head. Listen to what singer/songwriter Dan Fogelberg says about his musician father in his 1981 hit “Leader of the Band”—

A quiet man of music Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once, But his music wouldn’t wait
He earned his love through discipline, A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired, And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument, And his song is in my soul —
My life has been a poor attempt To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy To the leader of the band.

I deeply appreciate Dan Fogelberg’s tribute to his father, but make no mistake about it, Jesus Christ is the true leader of the band. His hands are thundering because he disciplines those he loves. His hands are velvet because he demonstrated his love by dying for us on the cross. His gentle hands continue to sculpt our souls into his likeness; I hope it doesn’t take too many years for us to understand! Jesus’ blood runs through our heart and his song is in our soul. I hope our lives are strong attempts to imitate the man, and I hope that we will all be living legacies to the true leader of the band.

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A few years ago I heard Garrison Keillor tell the story of Florien and Myrtle Crepsbox, an older couple from a small farming town in northern Minnesota. For the most part, Florien and Myrtle never ventured very far from home. That is why it was so surprising to hear that they were making a daytrip to the booming metropolis of Minneapolis, something they would never ordinarily do!

It was the second Tuesday of February and it was unseasonable warm for that time of year in northern Minnesota. It was one of those winter thaws when the sun shined and the snow melted and it got people thinking about spring even though they knew that they shouldn’t. It is a trick to get us out, to get us leaning the wrong way, and then that big March or April or May, or early June blizzard comes along and teaches us a lesson that we have already learned too many times, but which we could learn again I suppose. It wasn’t really spring yet—it was more like spring painted on a brick wall—that when you reach in to pick the flowers you bust your knuckles. So, you want to be careful.

This type of weather affects people in funny ways and it affected Florien and Myrtle that week when they decided to drive to Minneapolis. They are no spring chickens, you know, in their late seventies, and Florien has that 1979 Chevy with 42,000 miles on it. He’s proud of that! And when you have a ‘79 Chevy with 42,000 miles on it, you don’t just drive off to Minneapolis any time you feel like it, otherwise pretty soon you would have about as much mileage on it as anybody else with a ‘79 Chevy. You would have to go buy a new one.

Myrtle’s Bump, Hair, and Blood (Proverbs 18:2)
But it was Myrtle’s idea! She’d been feeling like she had symptoms—symptoms that sounded a lot like symptoms she read about in a question and answer column in the health section of the newspaper. And so when she felt a bump on the back of her head that had not been there before and found some hair on her comb and some blood on her toothbrush, it made her nervous and she called down to a clinic in Minneapolis and made an appointment for a check-up. She could not go to a doctor up there around her own town because she’s been to all of them already and they all told her that there wasn’t anything wrong with her.

When she thought about how those local doctors just didn’t understand her condition, she couldn’t help but think about a Proverb from the Bible that she had just memorized that week—Proverbs 18:2—“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.” During the past few Sunday’s at St. Andrews Roman Catholic Church, the Old Testament lectionary readings came from the book of Proverbs. Father Nicolas recommended that the parish memorize some of them, and Myrtle was happy that she did! Proverbs 18:2 seemed prophetic about the arrogance of the medical doctors in her town. Surely, the doctors in the city would do more for her than just “air their own opinions.” And so they headed out for Minneapolis.

The Drive (Proverbs 18:12)
I don’t know if they ever tried to go down there before, but they did that day. They left early in the morning. The appointment wasn’t until noon, but they thought that it couldn’t hurt to be a couple of hours early. So, they went down the county road and onto the state highway and before long they were on the interstate. Two old people scared out of their wits—Myrtle sitting on the passenger side clutching her purse as if someone would snatch it from her, looking out through those big thick glasses; they made her eyes look like a lizard’s eyes—Florien driving carefully forty miles an hour with the right wheel up there on the shoulder just easing along as semi-trucks exploded by him. Swoosh! Swoosh! Swoosh! Twenty or thirty tons of semi going by them; Myrtle thinking about her symptoms and worrying if she might die; Florien thinking about a truck coming up their rear end and eliminating them from the earth right then and there.

When finally they got out of the range of their favorite radio station and their favorite morning show, the Rise & Shine show, and it faded away during their favorite part of the show, the Swap & Shop portion, they were just utterly lost. Scarred and silent! Usually Myrtle would narrate trips, reading from billboards and pointing out interesting livestock along the way, but this time she was just quiet. As the trucks swooshed by, Florien cleared his throat and said, “If it was up to me, I would just as soon turn around and go home.” Well, that was the wrong thing to say to her in the mood she was in. She was in the mood where she was expecting him to say something wrong, and for some time he had been working on a speech in case he would.

She said, “Sure, you would just rather go home wouldn’t you. You don’t care about me one bit, do you? You never did, you never will, so I don’t know why I should be surprised you don’t now! You don’t care if I live or die! You’d probably be happy if I just died and got out of your way, wouldn’t you? You’d just clap your hands if I’d die! I know, you wouldn’t care! You want to be free to go off and do whatever you want to do, don’t you?”

He sat and listened to it! A man who drives a ’79 Chevy with 42,000 miles on it is not waiting around to become a playboy, you know. He listened to her go on for a while. He, too, had been thinking about those proverbs he had read in the lectionary that week. He was surprised by how well he remembered Proverbs 18:12—“Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.” He was pretty sure that even though it said “a man’s heart” it applied to women too. He thought about quoting it to her, but wisdom prevailed and he thought better.

Finally, he said, “I would too care if you died.” She said, “Oh yeah, tell me, how much do you care?” Well, Florien isn’t very good with theoretical questions like that. He had to think about that for a while. So, she waited about five minutes and then said, “Well, I guess that about answers my question. You wouldn’t care one bit if I died. You wouldn’t miss me!” So, after all of this, it was too bad! It was too bad that about a half hour later, after stopping at a truck stop, he drove away without her in the car.

The Truck Stop (Proverbs 11:2)
It was Florien’s idea to stop! He thought some coffee might settle them down. So, they had a few cups and then the pie looked good. He had a big slab of banana cream and she had a hunk of lemon meringue. When the waitress set the piece of lemon pie down on Myrtle’s placemat, he thought to himself, “How appropriate, an old sourpuss like her would eating lemon pie?” But before he spoke the words, he thought of another proverb he had read in church. This time it was Proverbs 11:2—“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes honor.” Instead of putting his foot in his mouth, he decided that the banana cream would probably taste better, and so they ate their pie in silence.

When they had finished and got back to the car, he realized that he should probably use the restroom before they took off. After he went back inside, she decided that it would be wise to use the women’s lavatory. And while she was gone, he got back in the car, checked his side view mirror, and pulled out on to the highway. It may seem odd to you that he did not notice her missing from the front seat, but he had a lot on his mind and was thinking—which he does slowly so that he won’t have to do it again. He was busy thinking about how much he would miss her if she was gone and how lonely he would be lying alone at night in that big double bed without her.

And when he turned to tell her how much he would miss her and saw that she wasn’t there, you could have knocked him over with a stick. He took his foot off the accelerator and coasted to a stop. He didn’t think she would climb in the back seat, but he turned around and looked just in case. He didn’t think she could have jumped out. Couldn’t she? And then he remembered the truck stop! He had driven almost twenty miles.

Bolivia (Proverbs 9:9)
When he got off at the next exit to turn around, he noticed that he was not on the interstate anymore. The little ditch was missing from the middle of the road. He was on some other highway but he didn’t know which one. Nothing looked familiar to him; he had no idea where he was!

It was just about that time when he passed a sign that read, “Bolivia.” Bolivia! He didn’t know there was even a town in Minnesota named Bolivia. But sure enough, there it was—a post office, a red brick fire station, and a little country store. Since he had no idea how to get back to the interstate, he thought about going into the country store to ask for directions. Now you need to know that Florien Crepsbox is not the type of man who stops and asks for directions. If Myrtle had been with him and they had gotten lost, he would be too proud to admit he was lost, and he would drive around all afternoon until he would eventually get lucky, find his way home, and pretend he knew what he was doing. He always called that “the scenic route.” From your smiles, I can tell that some of you wives have been on that route before.

Well, just as Florien was thinking that this was no time for pride, another proverb popped into his mind. Proverbs 9:9—“Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.” At the moment he didn’t feel very wise, but he knew he was in need of some instruction. The man at the country store eventually got him straightened out, and two hours later he was back at the truck stop, but he couldn’t find Myrtle. He finally asked the waitress if she had seen his wife. She said, “Do mean the woman in the blue coat?” He couldn’t remember what color coat she was wearing. He couldn’t really remember how to describe her, except maybe as mad. “Oh her”, the waitress said, “Her son came and picked her up about an hour ago.” So, Karl was in on it now!

The Lutheran Show (Proverbs 15:33)
When he finally got back to his hometown, he stopped at the Side Track Tap before heading home. After all that he had been through and all that he was about to endure, he thought he owed himself a beer. But when the beer didn’t help him come up with a good explanation, he decided to just go home. He turned down his street and saw his little white house, the one with the green shudders, on the corner. He had every intention of going home, but when he saw Karl’s pick-up truck in the driveway, he kept on going. He couldn’t face both of them so he drove on down and parked on the gravel road that led to Roger Hedland’s hay field. He turned out his headlights and just sat there as he watched the sun set over the horizon.

He wondered what he would say if Roger Hedland came out and asked him what he was doing parked there. He figured he would tell Roger that he was parked there to listen to a radio show—a Lutheran show—so the old lady wouldn’t allow it in the house. Roger is Lutheran! He’d like that! He was listening to a radio show and it may well have been Lutheran. It certainly wasn’t the rosary.

The preacher on the radio was talking about sinners who had strayed from the path and a lot of it seemed to apply to him personally—about the path of righteousness being narrow and the broad road that leadeth to destruction. It seemed to recommend against driving on interstates. The preacher had been preaching about forgiveness, but Florien wondered how much this preacher really knew about forgiveness. He wondered if this preacher had ever left his wife at a truck stop. He doubted it!

And then a woman came on at the end of the sermon and began singing a sweet hymn “Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, calling for you and for me. See by the portals he’s waiting and watching. Calling, O sinner come home! Come home! Come home! Ye who are weary come home!” The broadcast ended with a proverb. Proverbs 15:33—“The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” So, he humbled himself and went home; not only because of the hymn but also because the coffee and the beer were beginning to back up to the point of no return. And there are a lot of crazy things Florien might do, but taking a leak in another man’s field is not one of them.

The Kitchen (Proverbs 22:4)
As he turned on his headlights, he saw Karl’s truck turn down the street. He pulled into his driveway and parked the Chevy in the garage. He left the door up, just in case. When he stepped on to the porch and put his hand on the doorknob, he was thankful it was not locked. In all their years together, they never locked their doors, but he thought she might tonight.

When he opened the door he could smell supper cooking—fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and powder milk biscuits in the oven. And when he walked into the kitchen, he saw her standing there reading something. He didn’t know that it was Proverbs 22:4—“Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life.” When she turned around and saw him, she dropped her Bible on the floor and came running, put her arms around him, and humbled herself by saying, “Oh, thank God! I was so worried! Oh, daddy, don’t ever leave me again. Oh, daddy, I’m so sorry that I said what I said to make you so angry. You know I didn’t mean it. Please don’t ever leave me like that again.”

He was going to tell her…that he hadn’t left her but that he’d forgotten her, until it began to dawn on him that in a way it would be better to leave someone and to be dumb out of passion than just to be dumb. And so he didn’t tell her!

(Proverbs 1:5)
They slept so close to each other in bed that night and when they woke up the next morning and were eating their scrambled eggs and toast, Myrtle felt better. The bump on the back of her head was gone, there was no more hair in her comb, and no more blood on her toothbrush. She asked him, “Do you think I ought to call down to that clinic and let them know I’m not coming?” He said, “No, I’m sure they know by now.”

As they sat there holding hands and reflecting on the meaning of wisdom, humility, and the previous day’s events, they reached across the table and picked up the bulletin from Sunday’s mass and read silently the verse that was printed on the back. Proverbs 1:5—“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.” They were both thinking the same thing, “After 76 years of life and 56 years of marriage, there is still so much to learn! Amen!

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You may already be familiar with one of the most amazing stories of wisdom ever told. Two women brought an infant son to the king, each claiming to be the true mother. They both claimed that the other woman had suffocated her own son in the middle of the night by rolling on top of him without realizing it. And, having suffocated her own son, she was trying to steal the other woman’s son, claiming it to be her own.

The king called for a swordsman to cut the baby in half and give half to each woman. The first woman said, “Fine with me! If I can’t have him, I don’t want her to have him either.” The second woman screamed in horror and begged the king to give the son to the first woman.

The king, revealing his wisdom, said, “Give the baby to the second woman. She is the mother.” When the people heard about the judgment the king handed down, they were stunned! The implications of this kind of wisdom were actually frightening. It was as though the king could peer into their souls. There was no pulling the wool over this man’s eyes!

The king who handed down this judgment, of course, was Solomon, and this story is told in I Kings 3. Solomon was regarded as the wisest man who ever lived. His wisdom was a supernatural gift from God. When he was crowned king, he asked God not for worldly wealth or military might, but for wisdom. God was pleased with this request and granted it in greater measure than any other human being except Jesus Christ.

Wouldn’t it be great to have that kind of wisdom? How would your life be different if you had this kind of wisdom? Think about how good our decisions would be! Where does this kind of wisdom come from? Who can give us the kind of discernment, discipline, and skill for living? Where can we find this kind of guidance for our relationships, our work, our play, our money, and our futures? Where can we find wisdom?

The Yellow Brick Road to Wisdom: “Fear the Lord!”

Do you remember when Dorothy’s house was lifted off the ground in that terrible Kansas tornado? Do you remember when the house landed in Munchkin Land, killing the Wicked Witch of the East and throwing the munchkins into jubilant celebration? All Dorothy wanted to know was “How do I get home?” The Munchkins didn’t know. They told her that she needed to go to the Wizard of Oz, he would know how to help her get back to Kansas.

But Dorothy didn’t know the way to Oz. The Munchkins told her to “Follow the Yellow Brick Road.” The Yellow Brick Road began at the very place where Dorothy’s house landed, spiraled out like a bull’s-eye, and headed toward Oz. “Stay on it”, they said, “and you will eventually get to Oz.”

There was one road to Oz. It began right there. To stay on it would take her to Oz. To depart from it would take her anywhere but Oz. If you want to get to Oz, you have to follow the Yellow Brick Road!

The same is true for attaining wisdom! There is a Yellow Brick Road to Wisdom. Solomon points it out to us right here at the beginning of the book of Proverbs.

The Proverbs of Solomon (Proverbs 1:1-6)
The opening superscription in the first verse in the book of Proverbs is like the Title Page at the beginning of a book. We are told the title of the book “Proverbs”, the author of the book “Solomon son of King David”, the purpose of the book, and the basic type of literature we are going to read. Proverbs are short pithy statements of general truth.

You have heard proverbs before. Most of us use them all the time. For instance, you have heard, “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks”—which simply means that we tend to get set in our ways as we get older. “All that glitters is not gold”—means that the most attractive thing isn’t always the most precious thing. “Practice what you preach”—means that if you’re going to give advice to others, be sure you follow it yourself. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”—means that if you never try to do anything, you’ll never get anything done.

The next few verses outline the purpose of the book. Solomon recorded these great sayings so that his readers could attain wisdom and discipline, understand words of insight, acquire a disciplined and prudent life, do what is right and just and fair, give prudence to the simple and knowledge and discretion to the young. If I could boil all of these purpose statements into one sentence it would go like this: the purpose of the Book of Proverbs is to impart wisdom for living the best life possible!

So, on one level, the Book of Proverbs is a sort of a Yellow Brick Road to Wisdom. By reading it, meditating on it, memorizing the sayings, and putting them into action, we will grow in wisdom and live a better life! Some of us have not lived with very much wisdom so far in our lives. Maybe you have made some poor decisions and are still living with the consequences today. If this is you, this study of the Book of Proverbs will be an opportunity to gain wisdom, learn from your mistakes, and make better decisions, and as a result of all of this, you will live a better life in the future!

Likewise, maybe you have lived a fairly wise life thus far, and you think you have life figured out. Well, look at what verse 5 says “let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.” Regardless of how wise we are (and most of us think we are wiser than we actually are), there is always more wisdom to be gained. Even in the best lives, there is always room for growth and improvement! The truly wise never graduate from the school of wisdom!

Do you want to be wiser? Do you want to make better decisions? Do you want more joy? Do you want to be more like Jesus? Do you want to live a better life? Sure you do! Well, follow the Yellow Brick Road to Wisdom! Read! Study! Meditate! Memorize! Apply the Book of Proverbs!

The Fear of the Lord (Proverbs 1:7; 9:10-12)
After Solomon introduces the Yellow Brick Road to Wisdom by outlining the book’s major purposes, he points out the ultimate source wisdom. The Yellow Brick Road to Wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord! Verse 7 is the crescendo of the introduction and the thesis statement for the whole Book of Proverbs. Wisdom cannot be attained apart from the fear of the Lord. It is the unmistakable and irreplaceable starting point for wisdom. The phrase “the fear of the Lord” is repeated 14 times throughout the Book of Proverbs and is one of the major concepts for God throughout the Old Testament. In this verse “the fear of the Lord” is contrasted with the fool that despises wisdom and discipline. In 9:10-12, “the fear of the Lord” is associated with long life and blessing.

So, what exactly does it mean to “fear the Lord?” On one hand, it does not mean to be frightened or terrified by God. Some of us were raised in religious contexts where we were only taught about the wrath and judgment of God; we never heard about God’s love and mercy. God is not some cosmic school principal with a giant wooden paddle in his hand and a sinister grin on his face waiting for us to do something naughty so that he can punish us.

On the other hand, to “fear the Lord” means much more than simple respect for God or comfortability with God. There is a sense in which we need to be awestruck by his omnipotence and his authority, his sovereignty and his supremacy, and his might and his majesty. When it is understood properly, “fear” is actually a wonderful word to describe our proper disposition toward the Creator of the universe. To fear the Lord means to acknowledge and act like he is higher than us!

There are three words I would like to use to unpack the meaning of the fear of the Lord. Relationship! Reverence! Reliance! To fear the Lord means to have a relationship with the Lord, a reverence for the Lord, and a reliance upon the Lord!

Relationship with the Lord
First, to fear the Lord means to have a relationship with the Lord. Notice what it says in 9:10—“knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” He simply means that for someone to fear the Lord, it is necessary to have a personal relationship with the Lord. Wisdom begins with a real relationship with God. This relationship is initiated through faith in Jesus Christ (the Holy One) and is maintained through a life of obedience, worship, and prayer. It is impossible to fear the Lord without having a relationship with the Lord.

This is just like human relationships! For instance, I fear my wife! Do you know why I fear my wife? Because I know her and she knows me. If I didn’t know my wife like I know my wife, I wouldn’t fear her, but since I know my wife like I know my wife, I fear her.

It is the same with God! Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Do you really fear the Lord? Not only does this give us eternal life in the future, but it is also the starting point for gaining wisdom and living a better life now.

Reverence for the Lord
Second, to fear the Lord means to have reverence for the Lord. Again, this is more than simple respect. Reverence encompasses respect, awe, admiration, adoration, worship, and commitment. A lot of people pay lip service to God but they completely ignore life service to God. Reverence is an active disposition of worship toward God.

Do you really revere God? Do you really believe that he knows what is best? Are we actively worshipping him—not just in church each Sunday, but every day? When we really revere God, then we know that we really fear him. When we really fear him, we will gain his wisdom and live a better life!

Reliance upon the Lord
Thirdly, to fear the Lord means to rely on him. He is the creator and sustainer of everything in the universe. He calls his people to put their confidence in him rather than trusting in themselves. Fearing God means to be dependent upon God.

Are we more apt to rely on God or ourselves? We are conditioned to just “believe in yourself” and “trust in yourself” and everything will be great. These are some of the most heretical anti-Christian statements ever made. God wants us to rely on him, not ourselves! This is a good barometer in which to check our fear of the Lord!

The reality is that it goes completely against our sinful human nature to fear God. It is more consistent with our nature to trust in our own strengths and rely on our own abilities to get us through life than to depend on God. It is more natural to establish and maintain relationships with other people than it is God. Especially in our culture today, it is more popular to revere movie stars, sports heroes, and celebrity personalities than God. When was the last time you saw Jesus’ picture on the cover of Sports Illustrated or People Magazine?

Think about it! We all fear something! Instead of fearing God, many of us fear the wrong things in life. Many fear failure, but few fear the God who never fails! Many fear abandonment, but few fear the God who never leaves us nor forsakes us. Many fear loneliness, but few fear the God who never leaves us alone! Many fear pain, but few fear the God who endured the pain of the cross. Many fear death, but few fear the God who overcame death on the third day! The great devotional writer Oswald Chambers once said, “The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else.”

What do you fear? Or rather, who do you fear? If you want a better life, you need wisdom? If you want wisdom, you must fear the Lord! Follow the yellow brick road to wisdom! Follow the yellow brick road! Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow, follow, follow, follow! Follow the Yellow Brick Road! Follow the Yellow Brick! Follow the Yellow Brick! Follow the Yellow Brick Road to Wisdom!